Snape Resurrected JK Rowling killed my boyfriend!
by Witchaywoman
Summary: I wrote Snape back alive. Breathe again, my dark angel! Naughty slash fanfiction. Severus is brought back to life and finds he has been completely mistaken about just who is good and who is evil. Coincidentally, he finds that everyone wants him!
1. Chapter 1

J K Rowling Killed my Boyfriend! AKA :

Snape Ressurected!

A young girl with long dark hair, a pale complexion, and extremely large dark eyes stared at one of the moving portraits on the wall in the grand hallway. Wenhaver Titivillus Pendragon was not like the other students. As they chatted merrily and dodged back and forth in packs like groups of shiny little neon fish, Wenhaver sat alone. She always wore the traditional black garb of the house of Slytherin while the other kids seemed to favor lightly colored muggle fashions. But, Wenhaver had a unique gothic mind and preferred a simple black Elizabethan top like her muggle ancestor Anne Boleyn used to wear paired with black pants and slouchy knee boots. Anne Boleyn had been accused of witchcraft. On an elaborate golden chain, such as can not be bought or found any more, she wore a golden locket. It had slipped inside her white handmade lace under chemise and rested warm against her skin. She pulled it out and opened it up. It held two moving pictures. The one on the left was a portrait of herself with her pet raven. The one on the right was an oval cut from a moving trading card. She had had to trade some of her favorite possessions to obtain it – Severus Snape. The card had been banned. They said that for a young maiden (and even some young men) to look upon the portrait, a curse of maniacal unrequited love would possess the viewer. Sometimes it was temporary, sometimes permanent. But Wenhaver had been truly, madly, deeply, strangely, mysteriously in love with Severus Snape as long as she could remember. When people spoke of him, she had seen his face in her mind as clearly and accurately as the famous maddening portrait had portrayed him.

How unfair that he lived his whole life in unrequited love and then died so that all of the other wizards could live and love freely! She whispered, "By The Hammer Of Odin, You shall live again!" Then her stomach clenched and felt as if live bats were literally flying around inside, banging on the walls. Food was necessary to live, but she would have to risk being seen by professors to obtain it and they had been asking so many nosy questions of late. Questions such as: why haven't you been in class today, and, how did you get so much dirt under your nails? The answers would of course be that she had spent hours pouring over the forbidden necromancy books stolen from the library, looking for a way to bring to life her dark angel. Not what they wanted to hear from a student so close to graduation.

The portrait of Professor Snape in the great hall had a spell on it so as to honor him in Hogwarts without driving very young girls foaming mad with forbidden love. Wenny looked at it with unabashed mushy love in her gigantic, dark eyes. One solitary tear rolled down her perfect cream colored cheek. How inhumanly beautiful he was, and how sad. How could such a stunningly beautiful, immaculate, perfect warlock live so long unloved.

It had been very difficult for Wenhaver to find the correct spell to bewitch Mr. Filch into stealing the spell books she needed to do her necessary work. Soon, she would have to vanish and replace herself with an exact duplicate. It had been painstaking work frightening away all her room mates until she was finally allowed her own solitary chamber, which she had redecorated in simple black – the color HE wore. A spider under the pillow, an angry, screaming mandrake in the cookie jar, a boggart in the underwear drawer of her latest room mate. One room mate even seemed to like those things and would not budge until she finally became afraid of the living, breathing creature that Wenhaver had been constructing in the third, empty bunk bed. The black velvet curtains made the breathing, quivering mass of flesh seem even more terrifying than it already was. Wenny had placed a spell of silence on the room mate about that particular spell...

After several forays into the darkest attics of Hogwarts - where some very dangerous items and creatures reside – with her bewitched Mr. Filch - she had procured Medieval alchemy equipment and manuscripts. Then, had painstakingly concocted a potion from Severus's own textbook that enabled her to read the dark, muddled illuminated manuscripts. And then, she had finally been able to make some real progress towards her one and only goal in life. The living breathing ball of flesh in the spare bed in her room was, in fact, a female homunculus. A homunculus in alchemical terms is a human being that was hand made by an alchemist. The Medieval alchemists had failed sorely because most of them were muggles who had stolen magic knowledge from real wizards a very long time ago. Like an archaeologist she poured over the texts, filtering out the truth from the muggle alchemist drivel. In the final stages of 'production' she had relied rather more heavily on her necromancy books and the textbook her own dear sir had written. Snape's spells and potions were found and lovingly edited by Hermione Granger-Weasley. They had been intended to bring back Lily, after You-Know-Who was gone.

Wenny could only surmise that once Severus had become deceased, expired, bereft of life, shuffled off his mortal coil and all that, that he had found himself embarrassingly face to face with Lily and her husband. He would have had closure with Lily but not much more.

Wenny snuck under the nose of the now senile Minerva McGonnagall who was nodding off yet again. She was hunched over carrying a plate of food, an armload of papyrus scrolls, several books of shadows and a cup of pumpkin juice. Not TOO suspicious... She looked too much like Igor from the muggle Frankenstein movies. But, soon she would make her own Igor. She stopped in front of the great portrait of Professor Snape again as the other inconsequential children darted around her like streaks of light on a dark tollway. The portrait had also been bewitched so that no one could hear it speak. It was said that to hear Professor Snape's voice had the same effect as drinking an entire bottle of love potion laced with wormwood. Love, extacy, madness, blindness and uncontrollable screaming were said to be some of the lesser symptoms of Severus Snape's maniacally sexy voice. She looked deeply into his eyes in the portrait. It had been remarked upon many many times that the strange girl in black was the only student in Hogwarts who could catch and hold his gaze. Mrs. Snape was the cruel nickname the other students had given her. If only they knew how right they would soon be. It amused Wenny greatly to be treated cruelly as he was. She secretly took great pleasure in feeling sorry for herself regarding this matter. To suffer like him made her feel closer to him. Whenever Wenhaver spoke to the portrait, there was no answer. She waited impatiently for the hall to clear as classes began. Then, she mouthed the words, "My female homunculus is almost ready! Almost ready!" The portrait looked at her and raised an eyebrow. A pang of deep excitement shot through her body like a lightning bolt. He had never responded before! She spoke again, "Soon, you will live again, my dark angel!" A look of shock passed his face. Then, it became as sad and troubled and strangely serene as before. Wenny longed to take one more very long look at him, but the encroaching footsteps of the hall monitor forced her to retreat, hobbling along with her food, drink, and books.

When safely back in her chamber, she ravenously ate all of her food with shaking, white fingers. Table manners were not necessary in front of a half baked homunculus. She forced herself to waste the precious time it took her to eat by remembering that there was a staggering amount of work ahead of her to be done in secret over the next few days. She read the Egyptian texts from the papyrus scrolls over her homunculus. (Wenhaver had cleverly done a spell on herself to become a parselmouth in many languages. The manuscript that helped her to do that was among Snape's possessions that she had found in the attic. One stash from his boyhood, and another from his adult career. Nobody had ever paid it any mind, as he had never completed it. What he could not do or teach, Wenny had figured out all by herself with grim determination.) She read through the scrolls dealing with placing the human spirit in the Ka, and the opening of the mouth of the Osiris. It all worked very well on her homunculus, whereas it had pathetically failed in ancient Egypt. Pity, she would have liked to meet the Pharaohs too. Maybe later. The final step was to cast a glamour on the homunculus. When it looked exactly like Wenny to the naked eye, she took her wand and set her classroom memories in it's head.

It's function would be to go to class in Wenny's place. The other students could do what they would to it. She would not have use of the school much longer. She left moaning myrtle with instructions on how to care for her double such as not letting it forget to bathe, or drown in the bath water. Myrtle thought reviving Snapey-baby was a delicious idea and often regaled Wenhaver with impressions of him, and wild stories about what he did when the students were not looking.

Wenny slipped out the back door as Harry and Ron and Hermione had done so many times at dusk. She puled a garden cart loaded with her stolen spell books and Snape's personal effects hidden under a black velvet blanket. She clutched her wand in her sweaty right hand. It was actually HIS old wand and worked for her better than the one her parents had bought for her which was about as good as Ron Weasley's legendary crap-tacular wands. If anyone tried to stop her, she would have erased their memory. As it happened, the only person she ran into was Hagrid who was only more than happy to allow her to sneak off in the night and break all the rules. "Good luck bringing back Severus, little Missy!" He shouted and waved alongside a baby dragon and a enormous spider.

Her next stop was Severus's grave, and the reason she had been accused of having so much dirt under her finger nails – it turns out – is that she had recently exhumed him by hand at midnight. She had hoped he would be perfectly preserved in a glass enchanted coffin like a fairy tale prince to be brought back by her sincere kiss, but that had not been the case. Sadly, his beautiful face, hair, and body had become a blob of horrific smelling black jelly in the bottom of a pine box. It had taken a lot of magic just to keep the goo all in one place. Magic, duct tape, and garbage bags, as the pine had rotted in some places. She had cleverly hidden it behind some new shrubberies which Hagrid had planted the day before. Hagrid was such a great accomplice. She decided to have Severus reward him handsomely some day. Severus's return would have been reward enough for Hagrid.

She gingerly put the bundle of plastic and duct tape into a little nook she had left for it in the overloaded garden cart, and moved along to the whomping willow. A male and female centaur had snuck there to make out in the twilight and look at the twinkling lights of Hogwarts which eclipsed the stars. "Hey trigger! Flicka! Get your horsey asses out of here before I put a hex on you and make you human!" She yelled at them, running out of patience. The threat worked and the centaurs took off like their tails were on fire. Next, she had to deal with the whomping willow. She had been cultivating a friendship with it for a long time bribing it with gifts and treats so that it would let her into the shrieking shack. Today, she held up several cone shaped objects the size of waffle cones. "These are tree spikes! Fertilizer! Mmmmmmm, good!" the willow reached down and carefully took them out of her hand. "Stick them in the ground ten feet away and let them melt into the roots over time." She bowed to the tree. It bowed back and allowed her inside.

The trips back to the muggle world to obtain tree spikes were well worth the effort. She had cleaned and decorated and refurbished the shrieking shack into a very nicely decorated little cottage where she and Snape could stay undetected for as long as they wanted to. There was a closet full of his old clothes, which she had painstakingly bewitched as good as new, and a closet full of her own clothes, most of Severus's possessions, all of her possessions, some lovely enchanted furniture and tapestries she had filched from Hogwarts' attic and enough mushy food to keep Severus alive until he was well enough to take solid food. Making the tree stronger with gifts only insured that she could keep Severus there as long as she needed too.

Wenhaver placed the last of his items and hers on their proper shelves. Every single item was lovingly chosen to please him as Lily never would. She lovingly carried the bundle of his remains to the black velvet bed, and cut open the top of the garbage bag with a laser from her wand. The bags were left on the velvet comforter as a precaution to keep the precious goo that had been Severus from escaping and getting lost forever. It was a full moon. Her raven landed in the window. She lit some Nag Champa and put on a Stevie Nicks record. She then invoked every god and goddess from Odin to Aphrodite and begged them all for help in her endeavors. After several hours of this, she said the final spells from a sort of Necronomicon she had written herself. With a silver dagger, she poked a hole in her right index finger and willed her own thin, weak blood to flow down her fingertip, down Severus's old wand and into his sticky remains. Smoke began to rise from the putrescent goo. It oozed itself into the shape of a man. She sliced off a piece of her hair and dropped pieces onto his 'head' more or less and watched in awe as it stuck and grew into his beautiful, princely man-bob. It was just like the portrait which she had watched, lovestruck, from her pathetic little bench in the great hall with such great longing. She scraped off some of her dry skin flakes all over his body. His heart was slowly beginning to beat with the blood she had given him, and his insides were beginning to form and turn pink. The skin flakes turned into the flawless skin she had always dreamed he would have. As her homunculous sat in the brightly lit dining hall, ineptly eating dinner and grossing out the other Hogwarts students, she stood over Snape's newly reupholstered body sprinkling tiny bits of herself on him and chanting ancient texts in parselmouth.

Then, she leaned over him and looked on his face for the first time that anyone had since he'd been buried. Two tears inadvertently fell from her eyes and landed on his eyelids. They trembled and then the two most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen slowly opened like the eyes of a newborn calf and looked at her coolly. His mouth moved. "Mother?" he whispered. Then, he fell asleep.

Wenhaver sat and watched him sleep in the moon and candle light for a very long time. There, on her bed, in a gob of garbage bags, split rotten pine, and duct tape lay the most ridiculously beautiful man in the universe. She snuck up to him and ran her fingertips over his noble Medieval face, and touched his perfect, dark, satinny hair. She knew it had been her love that gave her the sheer amount magic power to save him, the way Lily had saved Harry from Voldemort with nothing but love.

She suddenly felt very afraid. What if he was angry about being taken away from Lily in the afterlife? What if he rejected Wenhaver? What if he never mended, or his mind never mended? Wenny decided that no matter what he did or said she would love him madly and serve him forever. He was her responsibility. She had made the unprecedented move of making him undead. Over the next several days, she kept the curtains drawn and cared for him by lovingly feeding him broth and herbs. She chanted spells over and over and used his wand to channel half of her own energy into him.

One day it occurred to her that the next time he opened his eyes, she would look a fright. So, she bathed, put on some rouge and a beautiful, short, revealing dress and fixed her hair fetchingly.

She threw her locket on a dresser because it was no longer of use to her now that she had the real Severus lovingly laid out on the bed, slowly coming to life. She shad been shaving him and bathing him and combing his hair changing his bedpans, wiping up his precious drool, and dabbing tasteful cologne on his pulse points and just waiting and waiting and waiting for him to move or blink or squeak or something, anything. The last of the plastic, and pine had been removed and thrown away, and he finally opened his eyes and spoke. He learned the story of how Wenhaver had worked and struggled to bring him back to life. She placed his wand in his right hand. He used his own wand to restore himself back to health. And Wenhaver looked a lot more fetching in her little dress than she had in her stark Elizabethan garb the night he had called her Mother.

Professor Snape whispered for her to come closer. She straddled his lithe, supple six foot frame and looked deeply into his big, dark eyes. Stevie Nicks music whirled in the air and mixed with candle scent, incense and herbs creating an intoxicating feeling of delirium in the room. "There's one last act of love I need you to perform before I can truly come alive again." Wenny looked deeply into his eyes with perfect understanding. Her little white hands curled up into his big hands. She felt his body shift with all of it's original strength. "Oh Severus!"


	2. Chapter 2

Snape 2

Wenny straddled her newly un-dead boyfriend gasping, "Oh Severus!" She knew that she had to commit one final act with him to keep him alive. It was an act she had dreamed of all of her young life, and now, she was finally old enough. He reached up and tried to touch her. His large hands grew weak and trembled. She rubbed herself on him. His hands grew stronger. She whipped his wand at him and shouted, "Disrobus Severus!" His exquisite silken black clothes vanished, and lightning had flashed outside. "Biggis Dickus," she commanded, "Rapus Snapus!" She proceeded to ride him like The Kentucky Derby while Marilyn Manson played in the background. Wenny heightened her pleasure by smacking his beautiful face back and forth with her white hand. Their bodies looked like two bald albino bats in the pale moonlight. Wenny threw her raven tresses around and screamed in delight.

When she was finally satisfied the spell wore off and Professor Snape could speak once more. "Rapus Snapus?" He said in a trembling and high pitched voice, "Somehow I always imagined that my first time would be different!" A tear rolled down his cheek and buried itself in his beautiful pale neck.

"What do you mean 'first time?'" Wenny Demanded. Snape explained to her coolly that he had never been sullied before because his love for Lily Potter was way too strong and his misery over her death made him feel too guilty to ever touch another woman. Wenny patiently explained that she too was as pure as the driven snow, and forced Snape to confess that he had enjoyed it. She forced him to also confess that he had actually run into Lily in the afterlife. Lily had whacked him upside the head and pointed out that she resided in Wizard Valhalla with her beloved husband, James Potter. And, once Severus stopped sniveling about the manner in which Wenhaver had deflowered him, she joyfully bound his wrists to the bedposts and poked a white bony finger inside him like a wiggly little worm and made him shriek and squirm until he was suddenly up for it again. Severus thought to himself -as he was being remounted - that being awakened from the dead by a raven haired sex crazed quasi albino was damn wicked cool.

After about seventeen hours of this, a large heap of Marilyn Manson and Stevie Nicks CDs lay on the floor along with trays of half eaten food brought in by the ancient house elves that dwelled in the shrieking shack. Wenny untied Severus and brought him some coffee and a Wizard Weekly Grimoire. There was yet another article about the insufferable Harry Potter grinning with his Quidditch broom in one hand and a beautiful redheaded woman in the other. Snape gagged involuntarily.

"I lied when I said I was a complete virgin." he said to Wenny. She froze like a statue. "What do you mean?" Severus turned a wintry shade of pale and buried his face in his arm and began to cry. He shook like a delicate flower. He was weakened by being recently brought back to life and would normally cry in front of another. Wenny petted him adoringly. She imagined Lord Voldemort inventing hideous horrible sexual tortures for Snape to keep him in line. She got a rather shocking mental picture of Voldemort bending her boyfriend over a potion counter and aiming a gigantic live snake in a slingshot between a young Severus's lowered hip pockets. He read her mind. "Nothing like that," he assured Wenny. (A quart of fluid escaped her and ran down his perfect eel colored thigh anyway, just thinking about it.)

A hunted faraway look entered his piercing dark eyes and he began to tremble again. "It was James Potter. He used to...to..." Snape looked absolutely greenish and on the verge of an uncontrollable crying fit. "vibrate me! " He blurted the last words out like he was admitting to poodle fucking. Wenny looked confused as Hell and Snape explained that James had the power to make Snape feel as if he was being furiously masturbated with a good strong vibrator at will. "That's why I never got to first base!" Snape sobbed, "Every time I got near a girl, James would start making it happen again! It looked like I was some kind of a demented horn dog! Gryffindors thought it was a riot. Sick bastards. Nobody would speak to me." Snape was openly sobbing. Wenny held him protectively and rocked him like a baby and tried to soothe his tears away. He went fetal.

When Severus was well enough to hear the story of how You-Know-Who (as they had begun to refer to Harry Potter) had murdered Lord Voldemort in cold blood, he became very depressed. He had been a being of sheer bliss, he admitted, as he had died looking into a replica of Lily's beautiful eyes and his spirit ascended into the sky expecting to be reunited with Lilian as the hero who had saved her son, and in complete control of his own private parts which James would never vibrate after he had saved Harry. The rest was history. Every time he had gone near Lilian's ghost, James Potter's ghost had thrown the spell on him which forced him to spasm in delight and horror until he was on his knees crying bitter tears of humiliation with a wet spot on the front of his trousers. Even Lily's ghost thought Severus was a laughable freak.

Wenhaver explained to Severus that the spell was called masturbis totalis, and James must have placed a permanent one on Severus. It must have been automatically activated every time he spoke to a pretty girl. She had learned a spell that could easily counteract "masturbis totalis" in her first year. It involved chanting the word, "ridicolos," and imagining muggle Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day. They had all used masturbis totalis on themselves and each other for shits and giggles in the girl's dorm. The only reason Snape had never learned the spell or counter spell was because his parents were too busy arguing to give the boy a sound talk about the birds and the bees and the really naughty spells and hexes. Snape was horrified and furious and disgusted when he realized that Lily must have known what was being done to him and never explained a thing. The randy bitch probably enjoyed watching him humiliated. He remained in bed eating cheesecake flavored ice cream and burying his shaking face in Wenny's pointy little scaly white breasts for another whole week.

In the meantime, the homunculus that Wenny had made to represent herself was wreaking havoc all through the halls of Hogwarts. Moaning Myrtle ran herself ragged trying to stop the homunculus from acting like an idiot and ruining Wenny's reputation. When mean Slytherin boys asked the homunculus on a date, it replied, "Yrch! Yar! Arble!" This somehow drove the Slytherin boys wild with desire and the fake Wenny soon accumulated fifteen prom dates at once. They could be seen often jostling for it's attention in the halls. It would look at them blankly, drool and insert a Britney CD into a nearby CD player and pretend to like the nightmarish sounds that ensued. Slytherins were always doing CREEPY things like that. They thought the homunculus was cooler than the 'usual Wenny.'

Snape started regaining his health at a rapid pace. Wenhaver had her house elves dot his twinkies with nightshade in a desperate effort to keep him too weak to leave their cozy, decorated love nest in the Shrieking Shack. But, Severus proved much too strong for that because he had spent the better part of his life handling toxic substances and had built up a resistance. The nightshade actually seemed to improve him. Something to do with un-death making potions have the wrong effect on a person's body as they would on a live body.

He soon started making inquiries as to the whereabouts of his dearest old friends. He learned that Lucius Malfoy and his lovely wife Narcissa had been unmercifully thrown to the dementors in a ghastly sort of Roman Circus. He choked back bile when he imagined throngs of common wizards and witches cheering as the dementors covered Lucius's beautiful complexion with their horrible banshee lips, and pulled on his gorgeous blond pony tail, lifting his kicking black boots off the floor. Snape could clearly picture the screams and cries of Narcissa's anguish as her husband's incomparable face disappeared under the mantle of a dementor, while another approached her offering no escape from the same fate. His guts wrenched. Bellatrix had dived off a rooftop and impaled herself with a sword in a fit of mad grief at losing her lover, Lord Voldemort, yet again. Draco Malfoy had been raised much like the sons of muggle poet Oscar Wilde, jerked abruptly from his opulent life of privilege and raised like an embarrassing poor orphan by - **gasp** – dare we say it - vengeful mudbloods until he had vanished into obscurity. It was rumored that he had been ill used for years and then sold into slavery.

It was one thing when the Ministry had to smack down Voldemort because he was a deranged psycho who tried to take over both worlds and enslave everybody, Snape reasoned, but it was another thing to needlessly humiliate death eaters of noble birth, disgrace their houses, and eradicate their wives and children in such a dishonorable fashion. He paced the squeaky floor of the shack cursing and foaming about this late at night. Wenny did not like to see her sexy warlock feeling this way and resolved to calm and soothe her dark angel using any methods necessary, even if it meant frying Harry you-know-who and his awful friends alive in a vat of oil! And even muggles were more kind to villains like Voldemort when they caught them. In muggle world Voldemort would have been given a fair trial and a merciful, dignified death. Just thinking of his godlike one time master being fried like a chicken with the Elderwand in front of a mosh-pit of screaming Gryffindors made Snape's testicles freeze and shrivel. What would they have done to Snape if he had lived?

Wenny put her hand on Severus's troubled shoulder. "We can't stay holed up here forever, " she told him. "I suppose we must go out and face the world sooner or later." She knew what he wanted to do, somehow and she wanted to help him. And so, the wrapped their lithe frames in black capes draped over their shoulders like batwings and opened the front door to the shack. Wenny looked up into the sunlight for the first time in months. Being a nocturnal, the light burned her eyes and blinded her. When the searing pain subsided her eyes focused on a shape in the distance. It was her homunculus doppleganger dressed in a green and black cheer leading costume waving green pom-pons around and dancing muggle style. About eight Slytherin girls dressed the same were copying it's movements. Wenny groaned in misery and horror.

Severus had his face hidden beneath the black velvet folds of his cape. Wenny did likewise and they slunk across the grass in the sickening sunlight and headed off to find Draco. Draco was the only free and living member of Snape's old social circle. Blood, history and tradition were much thicker than water in the wizarding community. Many of the members of the original Ministry of Magic had been selected from the finest pure blooded aristocratic wizard families in the land. In the olden days, the upper classes of wizards had been feudal lords and protectors of the lower classes and were honored and revered, a tradition which had almost lasted to the present day. A great many of the finest old wizard families had saved the wizard world from far worse menaces than Voldemort many times over.

That was why it had particularly pained Severus to the point of agony to find Draco as he did find him. After many inquiries in the seedy bars of Diagon Alley, Severus and Wenhaver tortured a house elf behind a bar in a filthy back-alley until the blood spattered dog-eared little wretch finally admitted that Draco was still alive. He had been forced to work a humiliating job in a wizard shoe shop. "Ever tell ANYONE about this and I'll disembowel you slowly over a period of ten years, Yoda!" Severus hissed. He spun on his heel and stomped away. Wenny forcefully pulled her riding crop out of the house elf's tiny ass with a 'thwock' and a tiny scream of pain. She whacked him across the face, spun on her heel and stomped after Severus like a lovelorn Dalek.

They found the shop where Snape's former angelic head boy had been forced into a life of humiliating slavery. They weren't even sure if it was true, or if he would be there. The couple lurked in a dark corner outside the window unobserved, and peered inside cautiously. Rows of old wizards were seated on long benches. Their horrible feet were exposed in all states of undress. They had on holy socks revealing bunions and corns, smelly socks that looked like dirt that hadn't been washed off their feet in years, wet, glistening sweaty bare feet, dirt that looked like socks that looked like dirt that hadn't been washed off their feet in years. A throng of house elves darted back and forth with boxes of embroidered slippers and long, blue pointed shoes and purple ugh boots and the like. One of the workers was considerably taller than an elf. He had a shock of greasy, brown hair, broad shoulders and an armload of shoes. Severus's heart burned with pain, imagining his shining star student suffering these kinds of humiliations. He was relieved the boy in the shop had brown hair and a muddy face. He believed it would kill him again to see Draco in a place such as this. At exactly the moment, the boy knealt in front of a very old wizard's stinky feet and one of his brown contacts fell out to reveal a pupil the color of the most beautiful azure sky that a wizard's imagination could conceive of. Severus would know that eye color in a sea of wet bachelor buttons.

"Wenhaver! I think it's him," Severus whispered. He had to be careful. Detection was out of the question if their work was to be carried out. The strapping young man hurriedly found and replaced his brown contact, then slavishly tried pair after pair of shoes on the old wizard. Snape and Wenny quietly walked in the door. Wenny silenced the cheap jingle bells on the door handle with a discrete flick of her wand. She casted a quick spell on the window so that the goings on inside could not be seen from the outside. Severus moved like a shadow and in a split second, was towering over the grimy shopkeeper menacingly. "I wish to purchase a servant." He whispered. A black gloved hand with a pouch of gold popped out from under his cloak. The shopkeeper gaged the amount of gold, judging by the size of the bag and began to drool. He gestured to the house elves and paraded them past Severus one by one. Too big, too small, too malnourished, Severus insisted. He pointed to the large young man. "That one."

"That one's not for sale." The shop keep protested. Severus doubled the gold. The shop keep would not sell. The large youth watched in fear. Who would want to buy him when house elves lived several times longer? The possibilities of what his new master might want him for caused the boy to begin to whimper. The new master must have known who he was and his wand had been taken years ago. Severus grew tired of negotiating and started hissing terrifying words in parseltongue. The shop grew dark and the old wizards filed out, socks in hand, sensing terrible danger the like of which had not been felt in their world since..."I'll sell! I'll sell!" The shop keeper cried in exasperation. It would be easier to part with the slave boy then to tangle with a mysterious dark wizard, any day.

Severus and Wenhaver wrapped the terrified boy in the folds of their capes and pushed him into a grimy back room. Wenny shot a jolt of electricity into the lock to jam it. Severus began pulling off the terrified boy's ragged clothing, and Wenny took out his contacts and removed his horrid brown wig with a zap of her wand to reveal... "Glorious skin, liquid eyes the color of a summer sky and hair like pure spun gold, you must be a Malfoy." The black robed figure stood over a dazzlingly beautiful, yet badly shaken young man with molten blond hair and breath taking features. The boy was the spitting image of his father, Lucius. His hands crossed protectively over a badly tattered pair of black underpants bearing the old Slytherin crest. A thin line of urine ran down his leg. The boy obviously believed he was about to be tortured for trumped up war crimes or raped unmercifully. It would not be the first time somebody had sought revenge for his father's abuses. His princely frame shook like a leaf and he tried to wedge himself into a corner.

Snape removed his cape. The young man squeaked and recoiled, then froze in a stare of sheer disbelief. His dazzlingly blue eyes widened to the size of saucers. Severus opened his arms. Draco fell to his knees, clutching Severus around his legs and openly wept. Then, Severus placed two fingers under his chin and lifted his face to look at it. He was easily even more dazzling than Lucius had been. Robbed of his former confidence, Draco was unable to find words to speak. His tear streaked face spoke volumes about the terror he had faced all alone. Snape and Wenny spontaneously hugged Draco and showered him with many tears and kisses. They were both at a loss for words.

Then, Wenny took her wand and gave him a good cleaning. Severus waved his wand and Draco was fashionably dressed in the style of his father. Wenny wand-whipped Draco's silken hair into a little black bow tied at the nape of his neck. They decided to take him back to the shrieking shack via fireplace so that nobody would see him. They immediately changed him to black silk pajamas and put him in a soft bed in a dark, elegant guest room. The two lovers took turns holding and petting Draco and crooning over him with adoration. They loved him to distraction. He was so beautiful under the disguise, one would have no choice. Years of slavery and humiliation had replaced his cruel facade with his true sweet and kind personality. Draco shook a little less every day and only spoke in whispers about the humiliations he had suffered since being taken away as a child.

Mr Filch was invited over to tea. Wenhaver donned her best golden chain mail and gave filch a lap dance while Severus peeked at them from the shadows where he was hiding. It had been their plan between them, so Severus was not jealous. It was sort of exciting him. She grabbed Filch's shoulders and placed her weight on his dust covered groaning bulge. "I need a favor," she crooned, "find...me...Draco...Malfoy's...old...wand!" Each word was punctuated by a deep, satisfying pelvic grind. Then, she got up and danced just out of Filch's reach. The music was Medieval, which excited Filch wildly because it reminded him of the days of dungeons and torture. Wenny rubbed her gold plated breasts in his face. The little mirrors on the fabric under-dress blinged like a disco ball.

Draco crept up and softly joined Severus in the shadows, pushing him against the wall. They started kissing each other deeply while trying not to make a sound. Snape's mind reeled. The boy was a man now. But if Lucius ever found out, they would both suffer pain worse than a thousand deaths. Then, Snape suddenly remembered Lucius and Narcissa were making out with dementors as he made out with their golden son. Snape lashed out with his tongue and tears filled his eyes. He wanted to resist, but couldn't. Draco's magnetism was a spell Narcissa had placed on him at a very young age. In the background, Mr. Filch promised to retrieve Draco's old wand from the castle's attic as Wenny spiraled and clashed her zills.


	3. Chapter 3

Snape 3

Draco stopped kissing Severus and quietly wiped the little tears from his face. The mood was spoiled and Draco sulked off to bed. Snape heard the sounds of Wenny grinding a promise to deliver a magic wand out of Mr. Filch. Other men would be jealous, but Severus admired her dedication to his cause and was completely worn out from servicing Wenny himself, anyway. He was actually grateful to Filch for dealing with her. Severus went to bed. He awoke at the crack of noon, as was his wont, and got dressed. Potion masters stay awake all night as a general rule when they don't have a class to teach. Wenny was in the kitchen cooking sausages. A house elf brought him a strong Irish coffee. He sat in a big black leather chair sipping it and slowly getting bombed. Draco walked in wearing a blue hand embroidered suit that matched his eyes perfectly. It had a vest, a white shirt and little sparkly beads and matching knee pants. His hair had a matching blue velvet bow. He wore tall boots instead of stockings.

He noticed Snape laying in the big, black reclining chair, looking elegant and threatening. Draco's heart skipped a beat. It was just like in the old days when the professor could scare the daylights out of anyone with a mere look or a gesture. Formidable, fastidious, elegant; these were all words that came to mind when describing the old potion master who still retained much of his original masculine beauty.

"What the Devil are you wearing?" Snape asked. "Your wife made this outfit for me," Draco replied. "It reminds her of a muggle movie about a vampire. Mind if I join you?" Before Snape could reply, Draco laid next to him, halfway on top of him. They cuddled up together and went to sleep again. Rays from the horrible sun snaked in between the blinds. Snape curled Draco's soft golden pony tail around his big, strong fingers. Draco oozed wonderful body heat from every pore.

About an hour later, Wenny was wondering what happened to them. She had house elves keeping breakfast warm. There was a small, quiet knock at the back door. Wenny looked into a crystal ball. It was Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, and she had brought a long thin box. Wenny took the box and gave Mrs. Norris a good scritchin for her troubles. Mrs Norris purred a lot and then left. Wenny tiptoed up the stairs with the box. Draco and Severus were still asleep in the big black leather recliner. Severus had Draco's earlobe in his mouth the way a baby sucks it's thumb while it sleeps. Wenny watched and thought that Severus was the most amazingly tender , fragile, affectionate man she had ever seen.

Wenny lit some ornate kerosene lamps on the mantle. She watched them some more. They were both stunningly beautiful like paintings of angels. She watched their stomachs rise and fall as they breathed. She watched Draco have some kind of a nightmare and make scared little noises as he pushed his face into Severus's shirt. Wenny promised herself on the spot that she would love them both forever and never let anything hurt them or stand in their way ever again. If she had to flash fry a thousand muggles, nothing would ever harm one hair on her men's heads again. She sat in a black velvet wing chair in the corner, shaking with anger thinking about the way they had found Draco. What horrible things had been done to him? His noises subsided and he fell back into a peaceful sleep again.

Severus woke up and remained motionless. He sensed Wenhaver sitting in the corner silently doing an embroidery. It made his heart weak with love to realize how much she adored him. He thought about how miserable and lonely he had been all his life, and now he had two people who adored him violently. The feeling was more than mutual. He silently swore that he would do anything he could to protect his two sweethearts, even if it meant impaling a million muggles on wooden stakes where they would die slowly screaming and writhing in the heat of the horrible sun.

Snape stroked Draco's hair again and Draco woke up. He didn't open his eyes because he didn't want Snape to stop holding him. Instead he tightened his grip around Snape's waist and stuck his face in Snape's chest like a sleeping cat. Draco thought to himself that he loved his old potions master and Wenhaver. He would do anything to protect their perfect love together, even if it meant he had to skin a million muggles alive with a horribly enchanted sword. His childhood had been cold and impersonal. Wenhaver silently embroidered a piece of an old moth eaten tapestry with an old school Slytherin crest on it. The outside of the whomping willow had changed from it's usual sickly gray color to a rich , lovely, vibrant indescribable shade and the leaves thickened and deepened in color. Whether it was the tree food spikes, or the magic from the shared love inside, the willow had never looked so beautiful. Wenhaver's homunculus thought so as she made out with a centaur and drooled all over the yoke of her pastel Charlotte Russe summer dress behind Hagrid's shack. Hagrid peeped out with lust through his stained glass window. He wondered if the homunculus would go all the way with the centaur.

Wenny, Snape and Malfoy all went to Diagon Alley in magical disguises. A lot had changed in the old place. A lot of the old world charm had been replaced with bright paint colors and cheery things. A band of people walked by in bright tropical shirts and shorts pulled over obese buttocs. They had on sunglasses and reeked of coconut and zinc. They pushed hideous plastic strollers containing screaming pooping brats. Draco squeezed Snape's wrist as Crabbe and Goyle lead the group around. They snuck up and asked a slutty kooking witch in a tube top festooned with feathered roach clips what was going on. She handed them a travel brochure with a picture of Harry potter and Guilderoy Lockhart on the cover. It appeared that they were giving tours of the wizard world to muggles! The witch was one of Guilderoy's die hard groupies.

They followed the tour to the end, and then followed Crabbe and Goyle back to their work office. It was easy to follow them because they were not exceedingly bright, but it was tedious because they stopped at several food vendors along the way. Crabbe and Goyle went in, took a long lunch break and departed with a fresh group of muggles. They crept into the building up a long flight of stairs. Jimmy Buffett was playing on the loudspeakers. Snape peeked in the door which was opened a crack. Harry and Guilderoy were dividing up a large pile of gold coins while Ginny watched greedily. She had on a tropical dress and looked about four months pregnant. Harry said he'd like to pop out for a few drinks before bed. He grabbed some flue powder and headed toward the fireplace. Ginny stepped behind his back and into the room with Guilderoy. She giggled as Guilderoy grabbed her by the buttock, pulled her in the back room and slammed the door. Alas, the groupie would get none this afternoon. Harry was oblivius to the affair for some reason.

They bought the supplies on their shopping list and returned to the shrieking shack talking excitedly. Draco told Snape that was why Voldemort had wanted to possess and control every muggle and wizard forever. It was all out of a terrible issue he had with fear that the muggles would breach the barriers and flood the wizarding world and destroy it as they had done with their own world. He also explained to Snape that Voldemort had always known about James Potter putting the masturbis totalis hex on Snape. It was a gryffindor prank. First they baited him with Lily, and then they humiliated him. It was thought to be a sick, sadistic game that James and Lily had thought up to destroy Snape's confidence so that he wouldn't be able to outshine them academically.

Once home, they set up their newest posession, a Muggle wireless laptop run on magic. They all took turns googling witchcraft and occultism. "You know," Wenny Said, "I don't think that Marilyn Manson and Rose McGowan are Muggles at all." Snape agreed. Draco became enamored of Ronnie James Dio vintage rock. Wenny made a note of the name Dio so that she could order him some muggle music from the electronic bay and have it delivered by owl. Very few electronic bay users knew about owls, but there were spells and charms that could be applied to persuade them to. That was where Wenny got her gold. She sold a few antiques from the attics of Hogwarts to muggles, and pocketed the money. She didn't ask where Filch had gotten his muggle laptop. She just had him get her one too. Wenny nipped off to Hogwarts to go and see what Myrtle was up to. She didn't know if Myrtle would be more thrilled with the fact that Snape was back, or that they had a Muggle laptop.

As soon as Wenny was out the door, Draco put on some moderately seductive DIO music and tried to crack Snape again. "She's gone," he said, "Let's talk." Snape looked confused. Draco explained. "Ever since I've been here, I keep trying to get you to futter me and nothing works." "Futter?" Snape echoed, dumbfounded. "Do I have to spell everything out for you?" Draco asked. He waved his wand and his gorgeous clothing vanished to reveal his muscular, symmetrical, suntanned and perfectly toned body. He had on nothing but some french cut man panties with the Slyrherin crest, black socks, Drakkar Noir and a Slytherin neck tie. The effect was smoldering. Snape was unprepared and utterly defenseless. "Draco, I'm not sure I'm that sort, and you were always like a son to me. I practically raised you from a five year old! I can't corrupt you that way!" Draco laughed and informed Snape that as the prettiest boy in a predominately British boarding school, which meant that he had been 'corrupted' many many times, and had learned to like it. Then, he explained that it had always been his warmest Hogwarts memory except for his secret crush on Snape. He then told Snape about the kinds of things he had been forced to do in his slave years. Then, beautiful, lovely, sexy Draco took a banana from a nearby fruit dish, peeled it, threw his gorgeous head back revealing his chiseled profile as his hair splashed down his back and swallowed the banana whole in one gulp. Snape's eyes widened. He lunged at Draco, grabbed him around his sexy washboard waist and dragged him into the bedroom. Dio played while moans and cries ensued.

Myrtle was thrilled to see Wenny. "Guess what! Guess what! Your homunculus is the most popular girl in school!" Wenny flipped out over that little tidbit of knowledge. It seemed the homunculus had taken to roaming the halls in a pink pleated wool mini skirt and matching halter top. The boys all wanted to boink it and the girls all wanted to be it. "Your homunculus started a dance program, cheer leading squad, glee club and fun committee!" Myrtle said. "And it gets better grades than you did!" Wenny was a little horrified at that. Not only was her creature better than her in every way, but it was popular too! She imagined her own spitting image pressing itself up against a Slytherin Quidditch player and gagged. Myrtle laughed myschieviously.

Draco and Severus lay on the bed slightly exhausted. Severus was laying on his stomach sipping ice cold Evian through a straw. Draco jumped on his back and started massaging his neck and shoulders. Snape put the water on the night stand, arched his back and moaned. Draco's bulge slid between Snape's rock hard buns. He began to massage himself while he massaged Severus. Somewhere amidst the rhythmic movements, his hands went around Snape's neck and tightened. Draco's movements became faster and faster and he gripped Snape's thick neck tighter and tighter. Draco let out a cry of pleasure, shuddered and was suddenly thrown backwards and pinned to the bed. "You almost strangled me! WTF?, as muggles say?" Draco looked embarassed and sheepish. "Oh, God, was I strangling you? Was I? Just now? I didn't realize! Sorry. Can't help it. Malfoy blood, you know, old bean." Snape believed him. Malfoys were famous sadomasochists. "It was actually kind of exciting." Snape replied. Then, he grabbed Draco and dragged him under the sheets for another round of a new game Snape just invented called 'randy giant and naughty milk maid.' In this game, Snape was the randy giant and that means that Draco got to be the naughty milk maid. Snape grabbed Draco's ankles and threw them up in the air, then pinned Draco down. More noises ensued.

Later on, Wenny came home with a generous plate of Hogwarts pound cake and some felt Slytherin flags for the walls. Draco was in the living room acting suspiciously nonchalant and Snape was up in the attic making potions. Wenny set down a large shopping bag, and the flags and pound cake. Draco lay across the black chair in the Lestat suit Wenny had made for him with her magic powers, sipping lukewarm Evian from a straw and looking strangely relaxed. Wenny sat down next to him and curled up with him as Severus had done earlier. They listened to Dio and snuggled. Draco felt better than he had ever felt in his entire life. So did Wenny and Snape.

Snape slaved away at his potions in the attic. He wanted to improve on Wenny's methods for bringing back people from the grave. Her magic had used pure true love to bring Snape alive. But, what if a wizard did not love the corpse as much as Wenny loved him? Could it be possible that a friend could bring back another friend? It would make a world of difference to Snape to see those he had betrayed brought back to life. It would help him forgive himself. He thought of how much better it felt having Draco there with him than not knowing where Draco was or how he was being treated. Snape knew he had made more than a world of difference in Draco's life and was determined to make more differences.

When Snape came down stairs excitedly with a bottle of new potion in his hand, Wenny and Draco had moved into the bed where they were asleep in their panties, clutching one another. Snape didn't have the heart to wake them up. So, this is polyamory, Snape thought. He never expected to have even one person to love, ever. Draco had his leg swung over Wenny's hip as he slept. Snape chuckled. The little nipper had grown up to be a full fledged ass freak. He even needed ass in his sleep. So cute. Lucius would have had him drawn and quartered. Lucius! He thought of Lucius and crawled into bed feeling guilty and torn again.

The next day they all woke up noonish. Wenny had the house elves bring up coffee, brownies, bacon, sausage, eggs and a pile of fruit. Draco picked up a banana and started peeling it. Snape's cheeks turned pink and he excused himself to the bathroom. Wenny pulled her shopping bag into the bedroom. "Hogwarts was having a flea market and I got some great junk!" She emptied the contents of the bag onto the bedspread. There were some evil cookbooks, some beautiful magic books bound in blackened human skin, some silver rings and bracelets, and a large, black statue of a multi gendered Baphomet with a large phallus. Draco cried out involuntarily and grabbed the statue. "This is from one of my parents' estates!" His hands shook as he held it. Wenny told him he could keep it. Draco also pointed out the Malfoy book plates in the black books but told her to keep them. Draco went to his little guest room and set up a proper altar to Baphomet with little odds and ends. He was excited to see some of his old things again and sickened that they had been taken and sold.

That was the first day that Draco had really decided to use his wand. His magic one, anyway. He had such great power as a child. How would he fare as an adult? He closed his bedroom door and strange lights glowed around the door's outer edges. Wenny curled up in front of the fire with a bottle of sherry and got engrossed in the books. Severus, as usual was upstairs working on his potions.

Later on, Bellatrix L'estrange started coming up in discussions. It was mostly Wenny who found Bellatrix's old pictures to be fascinating. It was Bellatrix this and Bellatrix that. Severus and Draco both tried to change the subject a lot, especially since it had been announced that Severus was perfecting a potion line to revive the dead without the use of true love which was a rare commodity. One day Wenny ran in the front door waving a crusty map that Filch had gotten off of Hagrid using dubious methods. He said he won it in a game of snakes and ladders which meant that he had probably traded it in some illicit shady dealings.

She ran all the way up to the forbidden attic. "Oh, Severus! Severus! I know where Bellatrix is buried!" She screeched with glee. Severus told her that the line of potion was not really ready yet – a lie. Draco ran upstairs behind Wenny. Severus mouthed the words 'distract her' to Draco. Wenny started gleefuly ranting about where Bellatrix's corpse had been hidden. Draco caught on fast, and decided to show her his big surprise. It wasn't quite finished but it would take Wenny's mind off of reviving Bellatrix. Wenny had never met Bellatrix and had no idea what she wanted to unleash on the world.

"Wenhaver, have you ever seen a muggle show about a muggle doctor named Who? He had an amazing home that looked tiny on the outside and was really unbelievably huge on the inside." Wenny wasn't sure why he was going on about this, and hoped Draco's 'surprise' didn't involve his penis this time. Severus had done her so good she was almost limping from just the night before. But Draco's surprise was better than finding Bellatrix's old bones any day of the week. Draco had used up some of his considerable newfound magical talents to recreate one of his parents' castles in another dimension right there inside the shrieking shack. It started with a doorway in the back of Draco's guest room. Wenny ran from room to black and silver room delirious. "Oh, Draco! It's so beautiful! So elegant! I had no idea, your family was so opulent!" She touched the tapestries and cooed. She ran to the library and flung book after book on the table rejoicing in the extremely rare titles. Draco grinned. He was amazed at his own abilities to be able to generate that sheer amount of magic and his ability to remember it all the way it had been.

Only two items were missing from the castle: his parents. His insides went cold. Then, he felt a little better thinking that his dad never had as much magic power as he had. Lucius's power was more from blackmail and threats than actual magic. It was his most embarrassing secret. It would mean a world of difference to Draco if his dad had been less of a bully. But, Draco feared that he would never see his dad again. He heard Wenny squealing upstairs as she discovered more Malfoy secrets and treasures. Draco knew that all the traps and dangerous harmful things in the house would not harm her. She was an admirable witch and had Draco's scent embedded in her. The house would respect her. They all spent the next night in the castle looking at the moon through the little diamond shaped beveled window panes.

The next morning, Wenny was missing from bed. Draco awoke Snape wild-eyed. "Severus! Severus! She snuck out! She took the map and shovel! Why, God, Why!" They both knew that Wenny was no stranger to grave robbing and they went to Diagon Alley to find her. Later, they searched Nocturn Alley. They didn't find Wenny, but there were several dealers who claimed to have bits of Bellatrix. Of course, Draco knew that Bellatrix was so incredibly dangerous that even her gnarled corpse could instantly kill someone who touched it. They had terrible fears about what would happen to Wenny if she actually found Bellatrix's corpse for real. They finally gave up around four in the morning and walked home. The lights were on inside. When they opened the door, there was a trail of dirt leading to the kitchen door and two voices inside talking. Someone was in the shrieking shack!

Severus picked up the dirt covered shovel and Draco stood right next to him, wand drawn as they crept up to the kitchen door and kicked it open, screaming and trying to look threatening. There sat Wenny and a stunned looking Bellatrix having hot coffee and muggle fingers. "Oh! Severus! You're back! Where have you been? Oh well, never mind that. Your potion works!!!" Wenny's own hand written necronomicon lay open on the table next to the laptop. Bellatrix jumped up and flung herself at Draco screaming. He shrieked and cringed. She grabbed him and hugged him wildly. "The afterlife is really something! But I missed you so much that when Wenny called me back alive, I came."

Wenhaver Titivillus Pendragon and Professor Snape were perfecting their techniques for raising the dead, side by side, like the Curies lovingly studying radium together in perfect harmony.


	4. Chapter 4

Snape 4

Bellatrix flashed a pearly grin. "Muggle fingers?" She offered them some tube shaped cookies from a frilly plate. They both looked sickly and said no thank you to any cookies Bellatrix had had in her possession for any amount of time. There was no telling what kind of potion she might have slipped into the muggle fingers. Wenhaver was merrily demonstrating the muggle laptop over cups and cups of fragrant caramel apple flavored coffee. Bellatrix cooed at the BDSM photographs in Google Images. She waved her hands in black lace fingerless gloves over the screen, delighted with .

Draco said, "that's nothing look at this!" He found his favorite websites to show her. They were mostly the Marquis De Sade's old writings, Church of Satan's clever web page and some bawdy tales about Oxford boys. "I love Oxford boys." Draco announced. "They look so smart in their outfits. All those lonely young men dressing, undressing, bathing, knitting exciting underthings and caning each other. It almost makes me wish I was a muggle. Sigh." Draco walked out of the room with glistening eyes to go daydream about Oxford boys smacking each other's bottoms with cricket bats.

"What's a cricket bat?" Bellatrix asked. "It's a toy muggles use in a game like quidditch. Why?" Wenhaver answered. "Because Draco was just thinking about one," Bellatrix answered. Snape turned green. If Bellatrix could read minds, then it was just a matter of time before she would find out about the sex games that went on in the shrieking shack. Severus shuddered at the thought of Bellatrix's squishy white bust heaving up and down as she rubbed it on him trying to be seductive with miles of back combed hair, black finger nails and starry vacant eyes. He blocked that thought from Bellatrix. "Why don't we look at muggle fashions?" Wenny suggested, changing the web page to CoCo Chanel.

Apparently Wenny could read minds. She knew what Snape was thinking.

Bellatrix went into Draco's castle that he made and she found herself a room right away. Wenny and Severus sat in the kitchen discussing her. He had a cup of the delicious smelling coffee and a muggle finger after all. Wenny was showing him how muggles design clothes with fabric and machines instead of magic. She had been conjuring luscious outfits for Draco. Severus kept his old elegant mode of dress - which it had been remarked - was flawless. Wenny had always mirrored it in her own tragically hip Elizabethan black dungarees. Snape talked about the implications of having Bellatrix in the house – about the attention it would bring, along with the trouble.

Slowly, feelings of warmth and happiness started rolling through his brainwaves and the room began to spin. He looked suspiciously at the cookies. "It's the coffee," Wenny said, "I gave Bellatrix a little something to take the edge off." Snape sat back smiling vaguely and pleasantly. A crack like lightning sounded upstairs and Bellatrix flew across the moon on Draco's stolen quidditch broom with a trail of fire shooting out behind her, as was her wont. She flew to Diagon Alley to freak out a few old friends who thought she was dead and to do some shopping. "I'll have to up her dosage," Wenny commented as she gazed at the moon.

The next day, everybody was up bright and not early. They sat around the living room. A chute opened up in the wall and Bellatrix slid into the room dressed fashionably in a black classic Chanel evening dress. She had on some graceful, elongated mules with pointed toes. Her hair was swept into a much more neat and graceful style. She had on tasteful makeup and a french manicure. Everyone gaped. Draco was the first to speak. "There's a secret passage in the walls? Oooooh! Show me!" He started tapping the wall with a cane. Bellatrix mumbled a few words and the trap door reopened and a pile of shopping bags spilled out along with Draco's broom. Wenny had vanished out of the room and came tearing back in with a tea cart full of coffee. "Ooh, I freaked out LOADS of people!" Bellatrix cooed. "You should have seen their faces. Imagine that! Me back again!"

Draco was dressed in Wenny's latest creation for him. He had on a white, silk Oxford shirt with the top button undone, a gray tailored vest, and matching pants in Pendleton wool. His shoes for the day were black knee boots, a sophisticated ensemble with a touch of Darth Vadar. His hair was just tied back with a plain black band. He had on his Slytherin ring and tiny gold hoop earrings. Snape thought about kissing him on the nape of his impeccably cologne-dotted neck. Bellatrix caught the thought and laughed. Severus blushed deeply and suggested that he go out to Nocturn-alley with Draco. He just wanted to talk away from Bellatrix and figure out what to do about her.

They put on magical disguises by casting glamours on one another so as not to be recognized. They decided to go as raunchy pirates. Nocturn-alley was buzzing with activity. A lot of people were whispering excitedly about random sightings of Bellatrix dancing in the water fountain barefoot, Bellatrix tearing through the sky on a broom, Bellatrix scratching on dress makers leaded windows like a vampire at midnight. Snape cursed. "Yarrr, shit!" He thought a message to Draco: We have to talk to Bellatrix about secrecy. He looked at Draco's face for an indication that Draco received his psychic message. Draco thought back: I agree Severus. We can't be discovered. Look what happened last time the old gang was back together. Snape suddenly had a mental flash of the old gang. He thought about Lucius and Narcissa, saw their faces cry out in anguish and fly away backwards. Draco caught that thought too. He started shaking all over. Snape embraced him reassuringly. A child being dragged by pointed at them and said, "Look, Mummy! Those too pirates are hugging!" The mom said, "That's because they're BUTT-pirates, dear."

They overheard the remark and scurried down a back alley. Draco thought to Snape: why can we read each other's minds? Snape thought back: I don't know but I think that it's because we're all linked by our secrets. Draco thought back: We're all linked by Voldemort! Then a sight took them fully by shock. A wizard in a black velvet cloak with an antique Italian mask shoved past them and knocked on a nearby green door. The door jerked open and Hermione poked her head out and grabbed the cloaked figure. She knocked his hood and mask off with one swift motion to reveal Harry Potter's head. She whipped him up close and stuck her tongue down his throat. No matter how many years had gone by, Draco and Severus recognized them instantly. They must have been staring because Hermione scowled at them, pulled Harry in the door, and slammed it shut.

They angled up to a window and peeked in through the crack in the curtains. Harry was laying on the floor in front of the fireplace. Hermione had on black stiletto boots. She was pressing the pointed toe into Harry's nostril. "Lick it, Potter!" He obeyed. "Now, suck the pointy toe, Potter!" He did! What's more, he seemed to be enjoying it. Hermione pulled the toe out of his mouth and took a few steps back. She placed her booted foot on Harry's trouser front and swirled it around lewdly. "This is going back in your mouth in a minute, Potter!" Harry leaned back and moaned. Draco pulled out his want and turned Harry into a white ferret. Then, he made Harry fly up and down. Then, he shoved harry the albino ferret up Hermione's skirt. Snape thought: Draco! What are you doing!?! Draco thought back: Just a little revenge! Care to join me, Snivellus? The name Snivellus was the cruel nick name that James Potter had given to Severus. Just the mention of that name drove Snape to action. Snape whipped out his wand and said, "Masturbis totalis!" Hermione stopped fighting the ferret in her skirt. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she began to moan. Draco and Severus ran away laughing like two teen agers who just threw a cherry bomb in a mailbox.

They ran a long way, walked a bit longer, and ducked into a pub for a pint of Guinness. The bar was loaded with all kinds of disreputable cads. Draco and Snape pointed their wands at each other and turned into sexy pirates. That way, if Hermione put out an alert, people would be looking for two scuzzy pirates, not two sexy ones. A familiar voice boomed in the corner. Hagrid was drunk and two floozies sat on his immense lap admiring his huge fingers. Draco and Snape snuck up to him and whispered what they did to Harry and Hermione between hysterical giggles.

"So, 'Arry's into feet? I have a few magazines he can have!" Hagrid exclaimed. Draco and Snape didn't ask.

Later that night they took the flue home fairly smashed on Guinness and Hagrid's home made moonshine. He had a giant copper still guarded by Aragog and his spidery offspring. No wonder Dumbledore kept him around. Hagrid had given them a giant jug and a thimble full was enough to knock a man legless. Snape the brilliant potions master envied Hagrid's skill. As they lay on the floor, cackling, vomiting, and singing 'Whiskey in the Jar,' Draco thought another message to Snape: death is an escape from Azkaban.

Snape thought back: what an extrordinarily weird thing to say. Hehe. I'm really drunk. Draco thought back: What I mean, is that if a potions master were to poison them, their bodies would be deposited in the cemetery. Then anyone with a good working Necronomicon could revive them again, and the authorities would be none the wiser! Snape thought back: That's high treason. Draco thought back: nobody would ever suspect it because nobody's ever heard of a Necronomicon that really worked! Snape suddenly felt halfway sober again. The wheels in his mind started spinning. He knew that 'they' referred to Draco's parents. He missed them terribly. Snape realized that was part of his problem with Bellatrix. One of the last times he saw her was the time he had made the unbreakable promise to look out for Draco.

"Hey! Who's making all that racket out there?" Wenny yelled from the bedroom. Snape flipped. If Bellatrix had overheard their thoughts, she would know about the Necronomicon. Then, he came to the sickening realization that she already did know because it had brought her back to life. If she realized that she could revive others: Snape imagined Voldemort rising out of a grave like a giant bat and simultaneously imagined himself bisecting Bellatrix's head with a shovel and pushing the body down a steep grassy incline. He blocked these thoughts, of course, because even in his drunken haze, he was aware that the women were dragging him and Draco into the bedroom. Their pirate glamours were removed by wand followed by their clothes.

"Ladies, we're in no condition..." Draco protested. Then Draco and Severus were shoved into a little pink tiled room with silver things sticking out of the walls. "Extrordinary," Severus mumbled. The ladies twisted silver knobs on the walls and Draco and Severus were being covered in very warm sudsy water. "We've improved this room by adding a muggle shower!" Wenny told Severus. Of course, lots of wizards preferred to clean themselves by magic. But the muggle shower felt wonderful. Wenny said, "I've spelled it to filter out the waste water and irrigate the whomping willow." Severus thought : as long as it doesn't irritate the whomping willow. Everybody laughed. Severus realized that having Bellatrix there might work out after all. Wenny gave them sobering potions. Then the girls took off their emerald green terry cloth robes and stepped into the shower naked. Bellatrix looked beautiful in her new makeup. Her features were relaxed. Wenny must have drugged her some more. They soaped up and demonstrated how the shower heads could tightly focus jets of water by spraying each other. And then, the real show began.


	5. Chapter 5

Snape 5

Wenny adjusted the muggle shower so that the water was coming out in a concentrated stream. She focused the stream onto Bellatrix's erogenous zones. Bellatrix moaned and fought back with her own shower head. Draco and Severus sat arm in arm and watched, transfixed. Wenny had a short, fast little orgasm. Bellatrix had a really long, naughty one that lasted five minutes. They made out all bubbly and soapy and then did it again. Draco and Snape were drooling. In the end, Draco took Bellatrix and Wenny took Severus and they put on additional shows for each other. If it was a contest, Severus would have won in size and stamina, but Draco and Bellatrix would have won in the nastiness category. Yep, the two of them could be pretty nasty combined. And Bellatrix had been deprived for a long time. Severus felt a twinge of jealousy that Bellatrix was touching his precious sugar bunnies, but he had to admit the shower show was the wildest thing he had ever seen.

The next morning, they all woke up groggy and took turns using the muggle shower and making plans for the day. Wenny got her wand out and conjured a new outfit for Draco. He was starting to really like the mad outfits she made, since everyone said he looked wildly sexy all the time. Today, she dresses him in a cream, silk buccaneer shirt that was slashed to the waist and tied up in Xes, and some tan, baggy pants with suede, fringe knee boots. He let his thick, shiny, blond hair hang loose. He had bangs that really emphasized his angular features. Wenny wand-zapped him again and gave him earrings that were blue gems that matched his gorgeous eyes perfectly. She stood back and admired her work. "Ga!" She exclaimed. Bellatrix walked in the room and stopped short. She couldn't pry her eyes off of Draco. His buns looked magnificent. Severus walked in the room, started getting aroused, grabbed a cup of coffee, and hurriedly excused himself to his potions lab. Morning wood avoidance tactic. Yup, Wenny thought, the outfit was definitely working.

They all vanished off into separate rooms. Draco went upstairs. He went in his room to put on some muggle cologne. He had several bottles and could not decide between Drakkar Noir and Polo. He chose polo because it seemed to fit the new sexy outfit best. He snapped his fingers and a house elf came in holding up a muggle boom box that played without electricity. He listened to George Michael's greatest hits. As much as Draco hated muggles, he had to admit that muggle goods were really addictive. He had a perfuming ritual. The house elf rolled his eyes as Draco dotted Polo on a hankie onto his pulse points; neck, wrists, inside elbows, backs of knees, and ankles. For a grand finale he sprayed a fine mist into the air, closed his eyes, and walked into the mist. Eat your heart out Beau Brummell. Little did Draco know that Severus often did the same thing with Wenny's Shalimar.

Down stairs, Wenny was injecting a really fancy box of chockies with the potion that kept Bellatrix sane enough to stay alive. Wenny was blocking her thoughts from being read deliberately. She didn't want Bellatrix to know what she was thinking for several reasons. She was wondering why she had become so obsessed with raising the dead. She was also wondering if Severus could find a permanent spell or potion to keep Bellatrix from reverting to her former wild, depraved self. A part of Wenny mourned the loss of the wild depraved Bellatrix from the old stories, but she knew full well that the old Bellatrix would be impossible to live with. It wasn't until Bellatrix came home in her Chanel with a new hairdo that Wenny even really realized exactly why it was that people even thought of Bellatrix as being such a formerly great beauty. She really did have the most stunning cheekbones, Wenny thought as she put the giant archaic syringe on the counter and began to carry the chockies upstairs.

Bellatrix was not rummaging around in people's minds because she was too busy with blocking her own thoughts. She was sneaking off with a giant cobalt blue glazed jug with a crescent moon on the side, Hagrid's moonshine. She thought she would just place one dot on her tongue and then wait for Severus to join her in bed. She thought she would cut to the chase by waiting in his bed in a set of impeccable ice blue lace lingerie by some secret Victorian muggle company. Bellatrix thought the ice blue color would be less intimidating than her usual basic black. In sooth, she looked like a hot, wet cadaver. But, she was the most beautiful cadaver that ever lived again with soft curls piled high on her head and glistening blue eyelids, emphasized with sharp black liquid eyeliner and thick curly lashes over her gigantic, dark eyes. Bellatrix uncorked the moonshine, got one drop on her finger, licked it off of her sexy French manicure and passed out cold on the bed. Yup, that Hagrid made some damn fine moonshine.

Wenny went up to Bellatrix's room in Draco's castle. It was easy to find. She just followed the scent of heavy nag champa incense to a room crammed with designer clothes. She looked around, saw no trace of Bellatrix, and left the chocolates on the dressing table in a very elegant box with a huge bow on top. An old Hogwarts yearbook had revealed that Bellatrix was a chocolate addict. Tom Riddle had sent her boxes and boxes of the stuff. Wenny suddenly felt homesick for Hogwarts. It must be confessed that she had formerly thought of it as a cold prison, but had missed some of the professors badly. She yearned to tell McGonnagall that Severus lived again, and old Trelawney had actually told Wenny that every single divination regarding Wenny had basically ended up with a very tall dark, mysterious lover who was a great Warlock.

Wenny heard someone coming and left Bellatrix's room. Draco walked in a second later with his house elf in tow. He was looking for Bellatrix because there was damn little point in smelling so good with no one to smell him. Besides, he wanted to talk with her about the old days. In the more recent past, Draco would have just gone to Knocturn-Alley and dragged someone sexy down an alley if he wanted some company. But, ever since being freed he had a conscience again. He couldn't do that behind Wenny and Snape's backs. Having been restored to his former status, or something like it, he couldn't stand to sully himself with the unworthy lower classes. Before Draco realized it, he was sprawled out on Bellatrix's bed with an open diary in front of him and an open box of really scrummy looking box of extra fancy chockies next to him. Suddenly, he had a flashback to his childhood. Bellatrix used to always stay in the exact same guest room in his father's original castle. He remembered being a small child, and hugging Bellatrix's beautiful teenage stockinged leg as she sat at her dressing table primping in her corsets, eating chockies from her dashing grownup boyfriend, Tom, and petting Draco's shiny hair.

He looked inside the fancy chocolate box lid. It said 'Madame Borge's Fine Chocolate Shop, Knocturn-Alley, All of the flavor with none of the poison!' There were squares printed in the boxtop that explained which chocolate was which witch flavor. There was brandied belladonna, maple sugar laced with nightshade, mandrake clusters, hemlock n' filberts, crème-de-wormwood and crunchy frogs lovingly dipped in arsenic and wrapped in old lace for ambiance. The old lace was, of course, edible oleander paste. Draco felt sad, missing the old days when his parents were alive. He generously threw the house elf a crunchy frog and then hunkered down to read Bellatrix's XXX diary and consume her chockies. He sang along with the muggle song emanating from the muggle boom box. All you have to see is that I don't belong to you and you don't belong to me. Freedom! I won't let you down! This muggle song was really catchy.

Bellatrix's diary went on and on about how much she missed Voldemort. It was all Voldemort stroking my ivory thighs this and Voldemort kissing the ribbon tied around my wrist that. Draco was sort of bed-dancing to the music and really enjoying the living Hell out of a dark chocolate absynthe jelly turtle. The bed smelled of Bellatrix'x perfume, and sunlight fell through the leaded glass window, making a familiar pattern on the bedspread. His mind wandered back to the time his beautiful mother caught him snuggling with Bellatrix in bed and running off shrieking something about incense or incest or something. Then, his beautiful father had come in and patted him on the back exclaiming, "that's my son!" Draco could not even begin to bear the sadness of missing his parents. He decided to drown his sorrows in more delicious chocolates. The box was gargantuan and had two layers, judging by the depth.

The song 'Kissing a fool' was playing in the nag champa laden air as Bellatrix walked in, looking like Keith Richards. She was mighty hung over, but still beautiful in her lingerie. Snape had been hiding in the lab an awfully long time and she had given up on him. She wasn't sure how Wenny would have felt about it anyway. It was bad etiquette to make love to the lover of the person who resurrected you from the dead, and Bellatrix had had manners almost literally pounded into her head as a high-born wizarding child. Manners, you see, made one superior. Draco was sucking on a large mistletoe truffle sprawled out on her bed face down listening to some muggle music. "Turn a few pages and you'll get to the really good part." Bellatrix said. Draco jumped. "Stay there. It's fine," she said, "I really don't see the point of you wearing cologne if there's no one there to smell it." She laid on top of Draco's back and reached over him to take a mandrake butter cup and a firewhiskey-carmel cordial for herself. She was practically slytherin' on Draco's backside as Draco read the 'really good part' to her. "And then, Tom Riddle parted my thighs as I looked down at the part in his thick, curly hair," Draco said in a fair imitation of Bellatrix's voice.

"And then what happened?" Snape asked, leaning in the doorway. They both jumped. "I have a question," Snape said, "Why are Slytherins so good looking, and Gryffindors so plain and muggly looking?" Bellatrix looked at Severus as if he had just gone plumb loco. Draco obviously mirrored her sentiments. "It's the secret Slytherin Beauty spell. DUH!" Draco exclaimed. "My mother put the spell on me when I was an infant," he said matter-of-factly. "My mother put the spell on me twice." Bellatrix said. "Everybody under that spell has a tiny mole behind their right ear. I have two."

Draco stood up and walked seductively up to Snape. He looked behind Snape's ear. There were three dots. "Mmm, just as I thought. Nothing there," Draco told him. Severus looked at the floor and his eyes watered. Obviously, he thought he was hideously ugly. It was probably a side effect of James Potter's vicious and endless taunting. Draco put a hand under his chin and forced him to look up. " I was kidding there are three." Severus looked doubtful. Bellatrix pulled out a little black mirror that looked like a makeup mirror. "This mirror shows people what they would look like without the spell. I never looked at my own reflection," Bellatrix told them. Snape looked in the mirror and shuddered. "That only proves you really are under a triple Slytherin beauty spell." They told him encouragingly. Snape realized that what they told him was true. He snuck a peek at Bellatrix's reflection as she bent over to get a dark chocolate belladonna cherry. He saw a plain looking woman. Then, he turned it on Draco. Draco's reflection was exactly the same. No difference at all. He peeked behind Draco's ear. There was only one dot. Narcissa must have done it just in case. Before Snape knew what was going on, Draco had him pinned to the bed and Bellatrix was feeding him chocolates and telling him how beautiful he was and that she had been waiting in his bed. The room went all whirly. Snape had random thoughts as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

The chocolates made him feel a lot like the caramel apple coffee laced with Bellatrix's drugs had. He thought in between bites of chocolate, spells of dizziness, and searing kisses: Can this be true? Am I really beautiful? Did Draco just whisper that he loves me? Was that Bellatrix's hand? Did Voldemort's mistress just bite my ear? Who am I? Where am I? Why are these two beautiful people gently holding me? By the hooves of Baphomet, that boy is skilled at...I'm really enjoying this...came up here to tell them about some kind of liquid in a bottle...something about killing the beautiful boy's parents because he wanted me to...that sounded wrong...was that muggle music? Severus's eyes rolled back in his head. Bellatrix was saying something slurred about taking the left while Draco took the right. Severus was clutching at air. The lump in his pocket was a new emerald green bottle of poison. He was screaming something about spiders from Mars as his clothes were gently removed. Then, he was just screaming.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Wenny was working on potions by candle light. She just assumed assumed that Severus was in his lab and Draco and Bellatrix were off together plotting to sweetly violate him up, down and sideways. It gave her a lot of secret pleasure when other people loved Severus. That was the kind of thing a greedy little Gryffindor would never understand. They never shared their lovers. They made the poor bastards marry them. She imagined Harry Potter falling down in front of a snarling lion in an arena and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Snape 6

The next day, Severus awoke roasting hot under a dog pile. Draco was asleep on his chest. Bellatrix was asleep on his shoulder. Her makeup had smeared all over her face and Severus's shoulder. There were several sleek, black Tonkanese cats on Bellatrix's bed too. Apparently she had picked up several familiars. They had funny, frightening voices and a way of sneaking up on wizards in the dark with glowing eyes that was very appealing. Bellatrix would have to be told to cast a spell on them to keep them away from Wenny's raven. Snapey-Baby was feeling the most wonderful that he ever had in his life and did not want to get up, but he knew Wenhaver would be waiting down stairs. He had some really smashing news to tell her.

He wiggled out from under his two disgustingly good looking lovers and the whining cats. Tonks, as Tonkanese cats are called, are very vocal and object to almost everything. He put his clothes on and felt his pocket. The little green bottle was safe inside. He could feel it by squeezing his pocket. He leaned over and adoringly kissed Draco on the cheek. He tried to kiss Bellatrix too, but she hissed in her sleep. Her nails narrowly missed his face. He took his wand and cast a protection spell on Draco's face – just in case – and went down to the kitchen. It was getting harder and harder to pry himself away from Draco. He hoped Bellatrix would keep Draco more satisfied, but that clearly was not working. Now they both wanted a piece of Snape. Rapeus-Snapeus, he thought and giggled.

"At last we're alone!" Snape said. Wenhaver looked striking in her stark black witchy bathrobe in red lipstick. The bathrobe was a simple mid calf cotton affair with gathering just above the bust to enhance the shape of the chest. She wore it belted with a simple gold snake belt and some black lace cotton flats. The snake belt had emerald eyes. Wenny got Severus pinned to the wall and bit his neck several times while he had laughing fits of pure joy. Then he remembered to tell her the news.

"There's something wonderful in my pocket." He told Wenny. "I'll say!" She exclaimed. He tried again. "Guess what I've been doing in the lab!" He smirked triumphantly. "Brewing love potion?" Wenny ventured. He shook his head no. "Spanking little Severus?" She guessed again. He shook his head no. "Fencing with Draco?" Snape took the green bottle with the gold cap out of his pocket and held it up in the light. "Wenny, how would you feel about two more house guests?" Severus wanted to try to ask her permission before notifying Draco of his plans. It was damn near to get her alone in the shrieking shack as of late.

"Hey, is that my Polo?" Draco asked. Severus said, "No," and shoved it in his pocket defensively. Wenny jumped between them and the full, lace trimmed skirt of her nightie whirled. She waved her wand at Draco who was dressed in the clothes from the day before. They transformed into black knee boots, black velvet leggings and a black man-blouse with flared sleeves that had a green lining. She wand zapped him again and a green scarf appeared around his neck sporting a sparkly gold undulating serpent pin with green eyes. "Wicked cool!" Draco exclaimed. Then, he zapped Wenny with his wand and her funky hippie witch nightie turned into black high heeled slouch boots with a serpent ankle bracelet, black velvet leggings and a super yummy green silk blouse which clung to her figure and accentuated it. He zapped her again and she wore several gold chains around her neck and Etruscan gold wrist cuffs. Then she zapped Draco and he started moaning in extasy. He tried to zap Wenny back, but she ducked behind Severus and the wand stream bounced off of Severus and hit a house elf who immediately had multiple orgasms.

Snape took the tray of steaming hot egg and cheese sandwiches from the moaning, gasping, wriyhing house elf and walked into the living room. They followed him, not because he had all of the food, but because they adored him deeply and would have followed him into a dragon's layer to watch his hair sway as he walked. He placed the platter on the round coffee table and sat in a narrow wing chair to avoid them sitting in his lap and toying with him. He had news to tell them. They were all temporarily distracted from the house elf having another wild orgasm. "You cast one Hell of a Masturbis Totalis." Wenny told Draco. "I cast one Hell on a whatever you want. I'm a Malfoy, remember?" Draco retorted. "Draco, I assure you that your father did not have one half of your powers, which is why I trust you to keep him in line." Snape said to Draco. "What do you mean?" Draco asked looking apprehensive and excited. Was new daddy going to bring back old daddy? Could it be true? "I might as well tell you." Snape said nonchalantly. The green bottle is filled with a special potion I made to kill your parents, as you requested." Draco jumped up in the air a few times, let out a whoop and then fell to his knees in front of Snape kissing his black shoes and ankles and profusely thanking him. Draco told Severus, "You are truly my dark lord." Severus asked Draco not to say such things, modestly. He actually liked the idea. New dark lord had a nice ring to it.

"I have decided that if we can pull this off they can stay in your castle in their old bedroom," Snape said in a soft voice like the one Dumbledore used to use, "I believe they will have learned their lessons from the past by now." "We keep Bellatrix in line by pouring happy potion in her coffee and chockies." Wenny explained. "But I have just brewed a potion that will make the effects permanent. I plan to give it to her the next chance I get." "I think we both ate her chockies all up." Severus giggled. Draco was busily mixing drinks on a black stamped leather mini bar with one part Hagrid's moonshine and ten parts green muggle diet soda. He conjured some ice cubes shaped like five pointed stars, and then had one with a toasty little eggiwegg sandwich. Draco got the giggles too. Wenny looked scared.

"Did you leave any chockies for her?" Wenny asked cautiously. "Oh, yeah," Draco said, "There were at least 100 left." That was not an exaggeration. The box was massive. Wenny sighed a massive sigh of relief.. Draco was back on his knees with his head on Snape's lap. Snape petted Draco's fluid yellow hair. Draco cooed and polished Snape's knees with his pretty face. Bellatrix strayed down the stairs, sleepily rubbing her eyes in blue silk muggle pajamas covered with moons and stars carrying a black Tonkanese cat on one arm. She opened her mouth, and pointed at the window. There was a massive owl looking in. He had a package. "My muggle laptop!" Draco shouted. He ran to the window and took it. "No!" Bellatrix said and continued gaping. "Not the owl!" Draco was already engrossed in opening his muggle laptop with a golden sword shaped letter opener. Severus and Wenhaver stood bolt upright. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were crossing the lawn arm in arm headed straight in the direction of the shrieking shack. Draco saw them all staring and shot bolt upright too. They all bunched up and hid behind the door clutching one another in sheer terror. Zapping Harry with the Masturbis Totalis out of nowhere from a dark alley was one thing. Being discovered alive together in their own lair was a completely different matter! "Accio wands!" Bellatrix hissed, suddenly looking very dangerous. All of their wands came flying to them. There was a long pause and then harry and Ron flew into the entrance. Four wizards screamed, "Petrificus totalis!" and Harry freaking Potter himself and his faithful sidekick Ronald Weasley stood frozen and terrified in front of all of them.

There was a long silent pause. "What do we do now?" Draco asked. "We could erase their memories and drop them off somewhere." Wenny suggested helpfully. "No!" Bellatrix said calmly, as if addressing children. "We must make homunculuses of them to do our bidding, keep them here, slowly take our revenge out on their hides, use them as we will, and then we have them as bargaining chips in case we get discovered here alive!" The other three Slytherins took a step back and gaped at her. "Brilliant." Severus said. Wenny and Draco nodded with wide eyes. They all had to agree it made sense. Severus cocked his head at Bellatrix. He had not given her much credit for thinking so far. "What?" She asked, dumbfounded, "Have you never imprisoned another wizard before?" They all shook their heads no. "Well, Slytherins do it all the time."

Bellatrix walked over to the paralyzed boys. She stroked Ron's delightful hair which had grown shoulder length and was cut in a fetching wizard mullet. "We can be agreeable company once you've been broken and are no longer a threat to us," She whispered into Ron's ear. Then, she pivoted and faced Harry. "You snatched Tom from my arms and killed him, just as we were about to be reunited!" She smacked Harry very sharply across the face. "You will scream for mercy before I'm finished with you!"

"Calm down, Bellatrix." Draco said imperiously. "We need to make a plan. They'll be missed. We need to make their homunculi first so that they are not missed. Then, we can do with them what we wish!" Bellatrix looked pensive for a second. Then, she nodded in agreement. Severus lifted Harry and Ron's wands from their stunned hands and placed them on the mantle. Wenny and Bellatrix skipped into the kitchen like giggling schoolgirls to fetch Wenny's homunculus making notes. Snape was looking at Harry's green eyes. He imagined Lily and James laughing at him and calling him Snivellus as they assaulted him. He went rigid and lightning flashed in his eyes. He raised his wand and started chanting words under his breath that Draco and the witches had never heard the like of before. The sky grew dark filled with sudden black clouds, and a lightning bolt flew from the sky to the ground. The room filled with wind and the look in Severus's black eyes was utterly terrifying. Wenny and Bellatrix clutched at each other screaming and shielding their faces from flying debris.

Then, Draco had his hand wrapped around Severus's wand waving arm. He looked the wizard in his wild, unrecognizable eyes and said, "No, my darling, no. You musn't" Snape looked at him dazed, and for a second the witches almost thought Draco was toast too. "Give me the wand, my angel, don't do anything foolish in anger." Draco crooned. Severus looked at him blankly. Draco locked eyes and slowly slid his hand down to the wand, which he gently took out of Severus's hand. It started raining hard outside. Wenny's raven and several owls flew indoors for protection and the windows sealed themselves shut.

Severus sunk limply on his favorite black recliner and shook all over. The witches ran over to attend to him. "Severus! That was amazing! How did you?... What language was that?" No one was even really sure what he had almost done. His power had grown beyond belief, as had Draco's power had previously done. It seemed that they were all linked and that their powers had all grown rapidly. While Wenny told Severus over and over again that he just did something amazing, Bellatrix turned her eyes on the boys again. She raised her wand and put a curse on them that forced them act out the wishes of their nearest captor.

"What are you doing to them?" Draco asked, trying to hide a note of suspicion. "Oh, just a little hex I invented," she informed him, "It forces captives to do whatever their nearest captor wishes. It allows them to bathe, eat, sleep, and talk, but they can not escape or fight back." "Are you sure?" Draco asked. Bellatrix told Harry and Ron to make out with each other. They did it looking horrified and struggled the whole time. She told them to stop making out and take their leisure. Harry sat down and had a cold egg sandwich. Ron went to the loo. They obviously had no idea that they had just snogged each other, or that they were currently captured by Voldemort's best and brightest. They didn't even look like they were thinking about escape. Draco sat next to Harry and looked at him in disbelief. He had hated Harry irrationally in school and had more recently hoped that some day he and Harry could overcome it and be friends again. But, in Harry's current condition, Draco doubted that was really possible. Harry and Ron were sort of zombified.

"Does anyone want to shag them?" Bellatrix asked casually. Everyone else hollered, "NO!" "Well, I don't either." Bellatrix added. "But we can have some fun with them anyway. Draco, does your replica of your dad's castle still have an attic full of stockades?" Draco blinked. He hoped she didn't mean to be cruel to Harry and Ron. It was bad enough that they were detaining them. Being a slave for years had given Draco a slight conscience. Slight. "Why?" He asked, his hand secretly sliding toward his wand. "No reason," Bellatrix said. "Just that..." She pointed her wand at Harry and Ron and zapped them. They stood at attention in front of Draco dressed as muggle Oxford boys. Draco sucked in air through his teeth, and got all excited. Bellatrix pointed her wand at Draco and he found himself dressed as an Oxford professor. She zapped him again. He held a solid, sturdy cricket bat upright in his right hand. Draco went pale, looked at Harry and Ron, looked at his cricket bat, and whispered, "Oh, sweet Baphomet, yesssss!" Bellatrix looked very proud of her handiwork. Draco swung the bat. It hissed in the air. "Now, Draco, run along and give your friends a nice caning in the stocades in the attic, and let the grownups make our homuncului in peace."

"Oh, Bellatrix! Thank you! Thank you! Why didn't I think of it! Oh, Bell-y..." Draco looked like a little kid who had been given an electric train set on Christmas morning. Then, he turned on Harry and Ron and said, "RUN!" They ran to the attic like two bats out of Hell, driven by Draco's wicked will and Bellatrix's hex. Draco moaned lustily and ran after them with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He swore he would only give them each a few light whacks and then get himself off. He might even get off while he was flogging their pretty bottoms. He might even make it a daily routine. He would flog them, erase their memories, and then see if Harry wanted to be friends. Oh, It would be so wonderful! All of them would be able to talk wizard to wizard at last! Draco was thinking about how he would decorate their chambers and how he would mist them in Drakkar Noir and feed them Bellatrix's chockies and play them muggle music on his boom box.

Bellatrix watched him run after them. "And keep your hands off of my chockies!" She yelled after Draco, reading his mind again. Then, she kissed Wenny And Severus on their cheeks as they all leaned conspiratorially over Wenhaver's book of shadows, opening to the page on making homunculi.


	7. Chapter 7

Snape 7

Draco had a wild time savaging Harry and Ron with a cricket bat, but he couldn't force himself to take them sexually for some reason. Instead, he spanked himself silly in a broom closet. Up in the torture attic, Draco had Metallica blasting as he dragged Harry and Ron around and put them through their paces as victimized 'college boys.' He played the cruel headmaster very well and was really really enjoying the Holy Hell out of this. He thought it must be f---ing GREAT to be Severus. But, it kept preying on his mind that Bellatrix would want her turn pretty soon, and she would do a lot more than just flogging them. He looked at Ron's tear stained red face and suddenly felt really really guilty for flogging them.

Harry had a defiant sneer. "C'mon Malfoy! Gimme all you got!" Draco thought Harry must be the kinky one of the two. He decided to work on breaking Harry's will by beating Ron some more. He dragged Harry's stockade over to where Harry could see Ron's crying face. Then, he went behind Ron and gave him some blood curdling birthday whacks. Ron wailed after each smack and made girl noises. Harry whispered something to Ron. Draco looked bemused and then gave Ron a BIG whack. Ron arched his back and moaned. Draco raised the cricket bat and gave Ron an earth shattering whack – or so he thought. "Ooooh, so good, Draco," Ron gasped. Draco caught on. They thought that if they acted aroused, Draco would get tired of beating their gleaming red buns and lay off.

Instead, he walked around Harry and ripped Harry's pants down. "Oh, spank me bare assed if that's what gets you off!" Harry hissed. "I'm not going to spank you any more." Draco said. Instead he vanished behind Harry. Ron looked into Harry's face. The expressions on Harry's face were priceless.

"What's he doing Harry?" Ron whispered. "Shut up, Ron!" Harry said. "Is he torturing you? Is he releasing hornets from a jar onto your...?" "Shut up Ron!" "Is he painting acid on your skin?" "Shut UP RON! Ooooh AAAAAHHHH!" Harry squealed and bucked as Draco hid behind him. Then, Harry made a face that looked like he was about to lose consciousness.

Then, Harry's head went limp and big tears rolled down the front of the cruel wooden stockade. Ron figured that Draco must be torturing Harry horribly and that Harry was just trying to put on a brave face to keep Ron sane. Draco stood up behind Harry and Ron could see that he had very pink, smirking lips and wet fingers. He advanced on Ron. You're next, bitch!" Ron screamed uncontrollably. "I'm really going to enjoy this." Draco grabbed a fist full of Ron's gorgeous hair, and pulled his pretty head back. He gave Ron a long, slow, sensuous French kiss, and then gently bit Ron's full pretty bottom lip. Ron started shaking back and forth in his stocks, hopelessly trying to get away. Draco pulled Ron's pants down. The look on Ron's face was priceless. Harry couldn't help laughing.

Later on, Ron came down stairs to the living room. He had dragged Harry and Ron to separate corners of the room and left them there. Severus and the ladies were in the bedroom. Ron could guess what they were doing in there. The two homunculi of Harry and Ron were fully created. They looked superb. Just like the real thing. They were strapped to a long wooden table. Draco ran his fingers through fake Harry's hair. Then, Draco looked at the spell book and got engrossed in the text. Before he realized it, he created a practice homunculus. It was a short, stunted, ugly little critter with Harry's face on one side and Ron's face on the other side. It drooled, squeaked and called Draco daddy. Draco took his wand and zapped it into the oblivion from which it had come. A tired looking house elf in a long robe and pajamas wandered in holding a candle on an old fashioned candle stick. The house elf gave Draco some magical pointers and went back to bed.

After a few hours, Draco had created several Harry's and several Ron's. He had a brilliant idea. He would keep the real Harry and Ron in his bedroom and use the fake Harry's and Ron's as torture victims. Draco excitedly called the sleepy house elves in and told them his plan. They agreed to help Draco because they loved the idea of NOT hurting the real Harry and Ron and because every house elf knew better than to cross a Malfoy. The house elves led the fake Harry's and Ron's to the house elfs quarters which were ample sized, and kept them leashed in there for later use. Draco was gleeful and ran upstairs to explain his plan to the real Harry and Ron.

The next day, Bellatrix was up later in the day wandering the house with an armload of torture implements looking for Draco. She wanted her turn torturing Harry and Ron. Draco told her that he had tortured them so badly that the house elves took them away to patch them up so that they could survive the next round of torture. Bellatrix liked that a lot. She summoned a house elf and told him to bring Harry and Ron back up to the attic with stockades. She had another elf drag her torture stuff upstairs. Draco didn't even ask where she had acquired torture implements since being resurrected. A few seconds later, a smirking house elf walked past Draco with a fake Harry and a fake Ron dressed in pink dresses and black leather shackles. The house elf winked at Draco. Draco winked back and went in his room.

He pulled a huge dresser drawer under his bed opened. Harry and Ron were sound asleep in there. Draco looked at them in the light. They looked so cute asleep. They reminded him of sleeping kittens. He got in the drawer with them and snuggled up. They couldn't hurt him since they were still under Bellatrix's spell. They would be until it was taken off by a third party. Harry was awakened by a very nice sensation. Draco was leaning over Harry and massaging his face and scalp. Harry smiled up at Draco. Ron was curled up in a fetal ball whimpering. Draco softly tapped him. Ron woke up with a muffled shriek. A house elf came upstairs by a secret staircase and brought three breakfasts and lots of coffee. Harry and Ron had not been fed for at least 14 hours and ate ravenously.

When they were all right again, Draco re explained that they were going to remain hidden in his room while their homunculi lived with their wives and ran their businesses. Ron was fairly upset, but Harry didn't seem to mind so much. Ron whined, "A homunculus will be screwing Hermione!" "Is there anyone who hasn't?" Draco asked. Harry looked really guilty and tried to hide his face. Ron became angry, but could not get Draco because of the spell. Instead, Draco let them get out of the drawer and into his big bed. He explained to them that he thought having them in his room for a while would be fun like having a big sleepover.

"Hey Draco." Harry asked, "Remember that thing you did to me yesterday? Will we be doing THAT again?" Draco turned on some music and gave Ron some of Hagrid's moonshine that he was keeping in a hip flask. He vanished under the blanket and Harry started making that face again. About ten minutes later, Draco was using his wand to extract their memories of daily routines. He told Harry and Ron to keep hidden and brought their memories downstairs to Severus. The memories were planted in the heads of the homunculi strapped to the wooden table. Then, Severus and Draco brought a fake Harry and Ron to town by flue. They dropped fake Harry off at Harry's house and Fake Ron off at Ron's house. The homunculi would have to deal with the angry wives.

Severus and Draco were in magical disguises as sexy pirates again. Draco decided that he would like to take advantage of their time outside of the shrieking shack. He took Severus to an old fashioned looking place called 'The Bawdy Unicorn.' Draco was very happy that The Bawdy Unicorn had not been painted in lurid colors like the rest of Diagon Alley. It still retained a lot of it's old wizard world charm. He wanted to have some mead, or a yard of ale, some of their roasted meat, and then take Severus upstairs for some alone time away from the girls. Severus was worn out from the night before, but Draco would settle for even just a few hours of snuggling. He was coming to the scary realization that he loved Severus.

They went in and had a few drinks. Then, a seedy looking gang of minstrels wandered in and set up to play. Draco wanted nothing more than a hot bath and a long nap with Severus. Severus wanted the same because Draco had been infiltrating his mind and implanting the thought there. A few more men wandered in, then more and more. Something was about to happen. Draco acquired a heavy iron key to an upstairs bedroom and was about to drag Severus up stairs when a raving beauty apparated and started dancing on the bar. Severus grabbed Draco's arm and said, "That girl looks familiar!"

There was soft lute music. The girl had wavy blond hair and a shiny blue sequined dress. Soon she had the dress off, and was in a blue bikini. She looked at Draco. Her hair was like a soft angelic blond waterfall and her eyes shined like diamonds. The crowd went wild, but her eyes seemed to follow Draco. Even though Draco was disguised as a pirate, she seemed familiar somehow. The girl spun her lithe, supple body around like a ballerina and removed her stringy bikini top. The men went wild. The music picked up. She danced a sexy saltarello. The loads of ribbons swung from her bikini clad hips. She had on blue iridescent snake skin heels that perfectly accentuated her dainty little feet and made her long white legs look even more enticing. By the end of the dance, she was stark raving naked and completely shaved.

Draco practically dug holes in Snape's arm with his finger nails. The girl put on a blue bathrobe and wandered away. Men were applauding wildly. Draco and Severus found the innkeeper and started wildly negotiating to have her come upstairs with them. The innkeeper argued that she wasn't for sale. Severus fought the urge to hex him while Draco produced bags and bags of gold which the goblins at Gringotts had happily supplied him with from his father's account. The inkeeper would not cave and Draco smelled trouble as Severus raised his wand. Then, Draco and Severus felt two long, white hands on their shoulders. "I'll be glad to come upstairs with you. She stared vacantly at Draco's shoulder. "You have nargles." She waved her hand as if chasing off invisible mosquitoes.

Draco and Severus escorted the fairy like beauty up the ale soaked wooden stairs as the barkeeper greedily grabbed up Draco's coin bags. Draco had plenty more where that came from. The girl walked like a zombie under hypnosis. Severus opened the bedroom door and said, "M'lady," as he gestured her into the small, dark room. They shut the door and locked it. Draco was smelling the beautiful girl's hair and moaning while Severus was staring at the flawless face cupped in his hands.

"Are you happy to see me again, professor Snape?" She asked. He blinked. "Don't you recognize me, Draco?" They looked stunned. She could see through their magical disguises! She sat on the bed and picked up a Gideon's Bible upside down. "Luna Lovegood!" Draco exclaimed. "It's Luna!" Luna gave Draco a kiss on the cheek and he melted into a chair babbling gibberish. His cheeks were as pink as he had left Harry and Ron's cute little buns. "Professor Snape," luna continued, "I have always been madly in love with you." She gave Severus a mind melting kiss. Draco's eyes bugged. This would not do! The man he loved was being stolen by the beauty who had just smitten him mightily!?! She looked at Draco and said, "Don't worry Draco. You can play too."

She threw Severus on the bed. Draco was busily lighting every candle and lantern he could find. He wanted to see every last bit of this. Luna straddled a befuddled looking Severus and started tearing his pirate garb off with her finger nails while squealing with delight. Severus giggled like a school girl. He still could not wrap his mind around the idea that everyone he had ever met was wildly attracted to him. Draco Grabbed the girl from behind. She took them both on at once. Seven times. So much for that nap and cuddle Draco had wanted.

Luna lay on the cool floor gasping for air. Draco was trying wildly to open the small jammed window to fulfill Luna's need for fresh air. The window was stuck shut. They took Luna to the whomping willow by flue. They all stepped out of the fireplace on delicate feet like fauns. Wenhaver looked up from her embroidery. "Um. Baby, we have company!" Severus said, smiling like a crocodile. Wenny did not look pleased. "She's Draco's new lady friend. Isn't that right, Draco?" Severus asked. Draco nodded enthusiastically.

"Too many chicks and not enough dicks," a house elf muttered as he brought Wenny her slippers. "She can stay in Draco's room then." Wenhaver said. "NO! Not my room!" Draco cried. Everyone looked at him stunned. "Um, she can have the deluxe guest room. Much more fitting for a lady." Everyone there nodded. They had all learned not to ask too many questions. Horriffic screams came from the attic. Fake Harry came running down the stairs covered in blood with his hands tied behind his back and a bag over his head. He was obviously gagged under the bag. Draco smirked and held fake Harry still until Bellatrix got downstairs to retrieve him. She exchanged smirks with Draco, grabbed fake Harry by the privates and dragged him back upstairs. Draco leaned over Luna's shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry. I can explain." Draco escorted Luna upstairs while Wenny sent a house elf for some salve for Severus's overused nob. Luna slapped invisible fairies out of the air as she followed Draco to her room.


	8. Chapter 8

Snape 8

Draco gingerly brought Luna up the stairs to the guest room with his strong left arm around her tiny waist. Luna stared off into space smiling like Galadriel on Extacy. She didn't seem to notice that most of the people hanging out in the whomping willow were wanted for questioning by the Ministry. Draco and Luna looked like two matching figurines. The only difference being that Draco seemed very sharply focused on matters while Luna couldn't be farther away. Draco made a mental note not to let her wander off un-escorted. He pulled a tassel hanging from the ceiling and a smartly dressed female house elf came in. "Bubbles, please show Miss Lovegood to the best guest room and make her as comfortable as possible. Most of Draco's old house elves returned to him when they found out that he was alive and free. They were afraid of what would happen if they didn't. Bubbles the house elf grabbed the hem of Luna's skirt and dragged her away. Draco watched Luna's beautiful hair swish around the corner and then she was gone and Draco was experiencing heart palpitations. He took his wand and spelled his bedroom door opened. Harry and Draco were sitting on the bed, smashed on Hagrid's moonshine, playing paper, scissors, rock. "Guys, I think I'm in LOVE!" He yelled. They looked quizzical. "With whom?" Harry asked.

Draco flung himself across the bed. "The most beautiful girl I've ever seen! I used to think she was a ninny in School, but she's changed for the better. Guess where I found her! Just guess! Guess!" they stared at Draco blankly. "She was dancing on a bar, nude for FREE because that's how she gets her KICKS! Oh, and she's not good any more. I think she's bad, now! And I LOVE HER!" "Who is it?" Ron asked. "Luna Lovegood!" Draco yelled so loud that Harry and Ron had to cover their ears. Then they looked up again. "Whatever happened to Pansy Parkinson?" Ron asked. "I don't know or care," Draco said. Then he took off his sexy pirate suit and made Harry and Ron give him a back and leg massage with hot oil while he conjured a set of markers and designed wicked gowns and lingerie for Luna. Every model he drew looked like Luna over and over again.

Draco went on and on and on. "See, this dress is good because it's Slytherin green. You can't tell from my drawing, but the fabric is water mark taffeta. Ron, do my feet and don't skimp on the oil. Harry, rub my temples, softly." He had a whole stack of sketches. "Ron, have a chocolate from my desk drawer. Harry, what do you think of this dress for Luna? See, it goes with the gold and jade engagement ring I designed for her, and this flap on the back secretly opens up for easy access." "Brilliant," Ron muttered, "But what about the tits?" Draco replied, "No, the tits don't open up because I'm more of an ass man." "What if she doesn't want to marry you?" Harry asked. Draco jumped up and waved his wand and a lightning bolt zapped all over the room ricocheting off of every surface at least twice before it went into a heating duct and sped into the kitchen to terrorize the house elves. "She's mine, I say! Mine! Mine! Mine! Because I love her and I never loved anybody else! Except my mom! And my dad! And Severus! And Wenny! And Bellatrix!" "What about us, Draco? Do you love us too?" Harry and Ron asked in earnest. Draco looked sheepish. "Well, we'll see about that. I don't know. You're both such a couple of goody two shoes. Have to work on that! Later. Obsessed with Luna now!"

The door popped open and Bellatrix walked in wearing black stiletto boots and a black, satin minidress with a fitted top, thin shoulder straps and a ruffle that had a slimming effect on her hips. Luna wandered in behind Bellatrix looking glassy eyed and lovely in a green thong paired with green pasties that had perfectly balanced green tassels swinging from them. Her amazingly long hair was done up in perfect golden corn rows with gazillions of green glass beads on the ends. "Ah, Luna!" Draco said, "I see you've found Mum's St. Patric's day outfit!" He pointed a wand at Luna's ankle and a snake shaped slave cuff with emerald eyes appeared. It had a small but strong loop for a chain on it. "Mum used to wear it with that." Draco said, as Bellatrix stared all over the room. There were lightning marks all over everything. Harry and Draco looked like they hadn't bathed in days. A house elf was cringing in the corner holding Draco's boom box which was playing "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple. Draco had his two little 'boy beavers' dressed in golden chastity belts, and their asses were all marked up with smack marks, and Ron had spilled massage oil all over Draco's priceless family Baphomet statue.

The boom box started playing "Don't fear the reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult, heavy on the cowbell. Bellatrix said, "Scourgify!" and waved her wand everywhere. Harry, Ron and Draco found themselves all neat and clean and dressed in black boots and jeans in green tee shirts. (Bellatrix had dressed them in Slytherin colors to humiliate them, although the chastity belts had been way more humiliating.) Baphomet was restored to dignity, as the massage oil oozed back into it's bottle. Draco was clean and oil free. His fashion sketches were all hung neatly on the wall. The lighting in the room became dark and dramatic. Incense lit itself in the burners, and all the lightning marks vanished. "Hey! This is MY room!" Draco bellowed. "Don't be such a wet blanket!" Bellatrix yelled, "I just remembered you never went to college, so I'm throwing you a frat party!" It was a lie Bellatrix had made up quickly to avoid a fight, but Draco loved the idea. She enchanted the boom box to play "Louie Louie" a gazillion times back to back. Then, she looked out the window and waved some people in from the lawn. Wenny's homunculus, the centaur it was dating, and a randy goat came in. Bellatrix dressed everyone in green half shirts with the numerals VI VI VI emblazoned in gold velvet across the front. The house elves brought in loads of drinks and snack trays.

Meanwhile, Severus and Wenny were out sneaking across the lawn in their black capes muttering, "Mwuh hahahaha," and sticking their claw like hands out in front of themselves gleefully. They wandered into the secret Hogwarts graveyard. A few vampires wandered past them. They saw Hagrid coming their way, and vanished into the shadows so as not to be seen. Hagrid and the vampires seemed to be heading to the Shrieking Shack, but Severus and Wenny had their own business to attend to. First, a lovemaking session amidst the graves, and then a little walky- walk somewhere interesting.

Luna danced on Draco's dresser while Draco shined a spotlight on her and drooled. Ron had Bellatrix pinned to the bed as he struggled helplessly trying to pry off the chastity belt Draco had put on him for larfs. Bellatrix cackled like a witch, as Ron became more and more frustrated. Harry sucked on Her spiky heels. Wenhaver's homunculus was drinking mead from some type of plastic hat with tubes on it which she had been wearing when she came in. Her centaur date was in the corner trying to mate with the goat. Hagrid had several female vampires on his lap and was drinking a wooden keg of mead with the top pried off. "Catchy tune, Draco!" Hagrid yelled as Louie Louie came around on the boom box for about the fourteenth time. A smashed house elf swung from the chandelier.

Meanwhile, Severus and Wenhaver were putting their robes back on, straightening out their hair and heading to Azkaban on foot. Severus checked his pocket for the poison flask. It bulged reassuringly. He smiled. Wenny grabbed the shovels she had left hidden in the shrubbery behind Severus's grave and followed him screaching and looking wild and beautiful in the moon light. They were about to give Draco the best gift a loving couple could give their adult adopted son. They were going to infiltrate the prison and kill his incarcerated parents for him. Draco would be so happy! A giant werewolf padded by. "'Evening, Remus!" Snape yelled after him. "When the moon wanes, be sure to drop by the Shrieking Shack and come see us." He wasn't sure if the wolf heard him or not, so he blasted a charm towards the shack to keep Remus from getting in and eating the youngsters.

The next morning, Draco woke up with Luna in his arms. Her ankle bracelet was chained to his bedpost. No way was he going to let Hagrid or some randy centaur walk out with her! After prying off her frat tee shirt, he banged her, bopped her and wa-boomed her for about an hour while she stared at the ceiling laughing disjointedly, tassles flopping back and forth. At least she wasn't smacking nargles down, whatever they were. Then, Draco left her alone to go look for Harry and Ron. The house elves had cleaned up every trace of the party the night before and placed all the guests in carriages home. He tried to open Bellatrix's door. Luna amused herself by chasing the rainbows that Draco's little rainbow prism cast all over his bedroom walls. Bellatrix's door was stuck shut. Draco gave it a kick. He suddenly felt frantic. Bellatrix had stolen the REAL Harry and Ron and could be slicing their nuts off with a razer! Draco tried every charm in the book. Nothing worked. He pounded on the door screaming to Bellatrix to have mercy on harry and Ron and let him in.

Draco was curled up in a ball, crying when a house elf walked up beside him carrying breakfast. It said, "Mellon" and the door swung open. Bellatrix was laying in bed with Ron, cooing and covered in a down quilt and several black Tonkanese cats. They eyed Draco and made evil sounds like "Maroooooow," and "Maroooooooooh!" He went in and looked around. Her room was spotless. He slid open a closet door. Harry was on the floor, asleep with his face buried in Bellatrix's high heels. Ron's chastity belt hung on Bellatrix's bedpost. Harry's was off as well. Draco woke them both up and snuck them back into his bedroom. Then he had the house elf replace them with homunculi. He placed the real Harry and Ron in the big drawer under his bed. Harry had a pair of Bellatrix's shoes clutched in his sweaty hands. They both started whining that they wanted to go back in Bellatrix's room. Draco cast a sleeping spell on them and locked them in. Bellatrix might make sweet love to them one minute and slice off their toes the next. He couldn't let that happen. He hadn't even turned them evil yet.

Luna had discovered his sketches on the wall. Draco waved his wand and dressed her in each outfit, one by one. Luna insisted that he turn the outfit she picked, Draco's favorite – the one with the opening back – ice blue. He did it begrudgingly. And she wanted softer fabric than watermark taffeta. The girl had no taste. He did so like her in Slytherin Green. She put on Harry's John Lennon glasses and used her want to transfigure Draco's rainbow prism into a necklace. Draco snuck her out past Bellatrix's door.

Bellatrix was sticking the chastity belt back on fake Ron so she could tantalize him for a few more hours. He woke up, found himself chained to the bed and started squealing about the chastity belt. She laughed, cruelly and told him to shut up or she'd use a butt plug too. Then she twisted his fuscia nipple. Her evil cats poked into fake Ron's perfect white flesh while fake Harry sat in her closet gleefully fondling her expensive shoes. Draco realized he had saved the real Ron and Harry in a nick of time. He took Luna's tiny white hand and escorted her down the stairs and out the door. His little kitteny-witteny shouldn't have to witness such depravity, unless he was dishing it out, he reasoned.

As they were slipping out the back door, Wenhaver and Severus were slipping in the front door giggling something about a lovely funeral. Severus clutched a souvenir in his gloved hand, a silver snake head that fit on top of a cane. Wenny shook graveyard dirt out of her hair. They had stashed the shovels in some crown vetch growing around the Azkaban cemetery. They'd have to go back later. They went upstairs to find Draco and Luna gone. Severus approved that the boy was in love. He needed someone of his own...so that Severus could do more fun things with Wenny. (Like murdering people, cemetery hopping and grave robbing!) He had seldom done anything enjoyable in his last life. And when he had done something fun – like dragging horny teens off of each other at the Yule ball – it had all been a ruse to spy on Voldy. He had never really enjoyed one sip of pumpkin juice, or all the tears he made the children cry at all in the whole time he had stayed at Hogwarts.

They heard Bellatrix screaming, "Oh Ron! Ron! Oooh yeah! Ron! That's the spot! Oh Ron! Oh, TOM! TOM! TOM!" Bang bang bang! They snuck away from her door giggling. She was definitely having a good time from the sound of it. And that gorgeous red haired Weasley boy must have been well hung, too. Duly noted. Maybe he would be of some use after all...just as soon as he renounced Gryffindor and crossed over to Slytherin. Luna had zapped Draco with her wand. He was dressed in an ice blue tie-dyed shirt and matching pants and brown fringed knee boots. She disguised his face by zapping a rainbow painted mask onto it. He kept throwing himself in front of Luna on the ground so that she wouldn't get her little, bare, white feet wet in puddles. Luna just walked ahead along in a daze. She bent over to talk to a squirrel and pick daisies. Draco swore to himself right there and then that he would love her madly forever. Her, and Severus, and Wenny, and Bellatrix, and Harry, and Ron, sweet Ron...


	9. Chapter 9

Snape 9

Draco and Luna got to the edge of Diagon Alley. They took their wands and cast glamours over each other. They both turned into smartly dressed pirates. That was Draco's idea. He loved being a pirate. Luna loved playing along with Draco in his weird new life. They went into Diagon Alley holding hands. There was a celebration going on. There were all kinds of colorful ribbon banners hanging from everything; houses, trees, horses, you name it. Luna snagged one and added it to her greasy black pirate curls. It went strangely well with her black and red minidress and high heeled black suede knee boots that had little cuffs on top. Draco crept up to Ron Weasley's window to see how Hermione was getting on with his homunculus. Ron's homunculus had his hands held up in the air and Hermione was winding red knitting yarn around them to straighten it out and count the yards. Draco humphed. Not only was Hermione using him as a piece of furniture, and emasculating him, she had him dressed like bollocks. He was wearing some awful muggle blue jeans and a red sweat shirt. Ron's homunculus asked for a drink of water. She went to the sink right next to the window where Draco was spying. As she leaned over to get him some water from the sink, Draco reached in the window and pulled off a piece of her hair. She didn't seem to notice. He opened his belt bag and placed the tiny hair into a vial marked Hermione's hair. He slapped a masturbis totalis on both of them and ran away laughing with Luna.

Next, Draco dragged Luna to Harry Potter's house and peeked in Harry's window. Harry's homunculus was missing. Ginny brushed past him on the street. He grabbed a tiny piece of her hair too. She felt it and whirled around to see who did it. Draco made a poker face. She glared at him suspiciously, and then pushed her way through the sickeningly colorful muggle laden crowd to the front by the street. Draco was busy shoving her hair into a vial labeled Ginny's hair when he heard the crowd roar. A muggle flatbed truck drove very slowly around the corner. Harry's homunculus and Guilderoy Lockhart were standing on a heap of flowers and banners waving and grinning. A political election!?! Were those monsters running for mayor of Diagon Alley? Draco realized that there was virtually no way Harry Potter could lose a political election. He almost had to vomit thinking of Harry Potter letting millions of Muggles tour his world. Then, he realized that the real H.P. was in his power, back at home. Maybe he could turn this awful mess to his advantage, and even profit. The wheels in his head started turning like a Malfoy.

Draco took Luna out to several nice places. When the hostess at a fancy restaurant told Draco she couldn't admit Pirates, he turned her into a pirate and would not take the spell off until he and Luna got served. They ended their date on top of a tall business building Lucius had owned a share of. Luna had wanted pretty balloons, and Draco was feeling sadistic, so they compromised and settled on water balloons. Draco kissed the mysterious, luminescent LunaLovegood on her mysterious luminescent cheek. They smiled gently at each other and gigged as Draco dropped water balloons on muggles heads. They would pound on the door furiously, and then give up. Draco had bribed the door-goblin not to admit them in. They would finally stomp away, furious and swearing. The fact that Luna was laughing instead of lecturing Draco made him think that Luna was the perfect woman for him.

When Draco and Luna came home, nobody rushed to greet them. They had taken off the pirate glamours on the way back and were back in their light blue groovy hippie outfits. Luna thanked Draco for a perfect day and then retired to her room. "The perfect lady! Draco sighed. When he opened his Door, Harry and Ron were sitting on the bed looking bored. "Have the house elves fed you?" Draco asked. They nodded. "What are you doing?" Draco asked. "Nothing," they both said in unison. Draco stood on the bed behind them. Draco was just about to suggest a pillow fight and a game of truth or dare when his door snicked open. It was Bellatrix looking peevish. "I'm bored!" she announced to the back wall. She was dressed in black leather hot pants, a black lace top, black bra, black head band and black granny boots. She had on a ton of black Victorian mourning jewelry. "You look HOT!" Ron sputtered.

"Draco, love, what are you doing? You're supposed to be torturing them, not coddling them!" Bellatrix told him flatly. "I am!" Draco lied. "I just magically modified Harry Potter's head so I could F--- him in the ear!" Draco unzipped his pants and grabbed Harry by the head. He moved like he was sodding Potter's ear. "Take it, Harry! Take it in the ear!" Draco yelled menacingly. Harry, being quick on the uptake, yelled, "OW! Oh, the pain! It hurts Draco! It hurts! You sadist! You'll pay for this!" Draco yelled, "Exquisite pleasure! Humiliate Potter! Mmmmmph, Oh, Yeah!" Bellatrix nodded and looked satisfied. She said, "I was going out of my gourd! Wenny and Severus have locked themselves in the attic and they've been beating drums and chanting all day! It's driving me mad!" She pointed at Ron. "You, come with me!" Ron grinned and ran out of the room. The door slammed shut. Draco let go of Harry's head...... "F---ing my EAR?" Harry asked bemusedly. Draco looked sheepish. "Well, I had to tell her something. I just hope she only wants Ron for sex and not for some kind of sick torture she just came up with. The sudden banging on the wall told Draco that she did want Ron for sex. (Unless she had tied him to her giant oaken bed to lash him with a wet noodle or a cricket bat all night.)

Draco turned his attentions to Harry. "How do you like being bad, so Far?" He asked Harry. "Oh, I love it!" Harry replied. "I love all the parties and the sex. My life was work work work. I never realized life could be like this." Draco turned the light in his room blue. He was missing Luna already. He took the girl out all day and not as much as a 'thank you hand job.' She was smart, withholding sex for a Malfoy proposal, now that Draco had had a taste, no doubt. No point in going to her room and begging her. He decided to have some fun with Harry instead. He peeled off Harry's awful gray shirt with awful buttons down the front and ran his hands up and down Harry's ripply little chest. He made a mental note to stop letting Harry dress himself. The boom box started playing music by itself Draco had bewitched it to go on in his presence and play music to suit his moods. It was playing David Bowie selections. He walked behind Harry and pushed his back. Harry fell face down on the bed. Draco started working on his pants. Harry grabbed the head board to steady himself. He knew what was coming. Funny, no protests, though. Maybe he was telling the truth about liking being bad. Draco was laying on his back in a second flat. Harry would not be getting it in the ear after all. Draco kissed Harry's cheek, and decided to make this last a long time. Harry was not fighting or complaining.

Within the next hour, Harry was surprised to find that adult Draco was more beautiful than him in every way, more well endowed, longer lasting and a generous lover. He also found that Draco's childhood meanness had been completely replaced with a charming and sweet personality. When Draco had finished the third time, a drenched sweaty Harry squirmed out from under him and – to Draco's astonishment – climbed on top. Draco let Harry have his way out of sheer bemusement. He never dreamed that one day he would be with Harry that way. It was amazing. It was like he was completely forgiven for being the monster he had been once upon a time. Hary wsa really knocking himself out, trying to be impressive too.

Bellatrix and Ron were still pounding the wall in the next room. Wenny and Severus were still in the attic doing whatever weird ritual it was that they were up to up there. The incense they were burning was oozing through the walls. It smelled like nag champa. Draco made a mental note to pick up some different incense. Draco listened carefully and his boom box stopped playing. They were playing Stevie Nicks CDs. He imagined them up there bopping Trelawney and almost pissed himself laughing. Of course that was not what they were doing. So exactly what the devil were they doing? Harry took Draco's laughter as mockery, clutched his golden hips and really gave it to him. Draco's turn to clutch the headboard screaming, as his gorgeous, blond hair whipped around.

Harry fell asleep on Draco's bed face down, spent and Draco was sneaking the two vials of hair he had harvested into his dresser drawer when his door swung open again. "I told you I'm busy sodding Harry on the ear!" He snapped. Luna walked in, smirking, in a long robe made of baby soft -ice blue feathers. She brought a house elf with a cold pitcher of ice water and some cups and sandwiches. The house elf was sent from the room. The door was locked. Luna looked around approvingly. The room looked all blue and the boom box was still playing soft David Bowie songs. Draco had also added a small table and chair in the corner. They were sinister looking pieces of furniture with ornate carving and black stain, but they made his nearly empty gray room look less like a dungeon. Draco set the table and they had some sandwiches while Harry slept. Draco bit in expecting them to be meat. Gah! He said. Luna had made them herself. One was peanut butter with little pebbles of a noxious substance called strawberry Nestle Quik on some kind of soft white sissy bread. Another sandwich was two thin slices of whole wheat with an awful thing called a cucumber in between. A third itty bitty sandwich had peanut butter, banana slices and something called marshmallow fluff in it. Draco gagged on Luna's cooking. If it wasn't pure sugar, it was horrid vegetables. All he wanted was a glob of beef and some mead. He drank the water. The water was good. Bonking Harry had dehydrated him. Draco was just enjoying the silence with Luna when he noticed that she was taking her robe off. She was wearing a bunch of sparkly neclaces under the robe and nothing else. Draco had helped her fetch her things from town earlier. His eyes bulged. He didn't have the strength to have sex. He had just finished soundly tally whacking Harry into the mattress all night long.

Luna had something under her cape. It was a flat cardboard box containing a muggle game called Twister. "I'm teaching you yoga." she exclaimed. Draco's clothes were removed. Then, they spun a spinny thing and then crawled all over each other on the floor on a mat with giant brightly colored dots all over it. Draco was pretty sure that this was not how yoga was done, but he couldn't bare to tell Luna, as she spun the thingy, placed her right hand on a blue dot, closed her eyes and chanted, "Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" He didn't want to have sex again, but all this crawling around naked with Luna was getting to him. He looked at his Baphomet statue on the dresser and thought 'O Oh Great Baphomet, help me!' A second later, there was a sharp knock at his door. Bellatrix blasted through his locking spell and opened the door. She was dressed smartly in a black suit and so was Ron.

"Draco! Wake up! It's already noon!" He gaped at them. He hadn't slept at all and light was coming in the window. "Draco! Put something smart on and dress her too. Then come upstairs. There's a wonderful surprise for you! Draco could not compute what had just been said. Had Bellatrix actually been grinning? Was Weasley actually wearing a suit? Draco stood up dumbly and pointed his wand at himself. He was dressed in a black suit like Ron's. No time to think. He zapped Luna and she was dressed in a Slytherin green two piece suit. She still had those sparkly necklaces on, though. Draco could not remember how a woman's blouse was constructed, so Luna's chest was bare under her suit jacket. He zapped the button and made it sparkly to match her necklaces and then grabbed her hand and dragged her up to the attic. What did Bellatrix have in store?

Horrible light poured in every window. Draco was nearly blinded and walked into the empty stockade he had recently sexually tortured Harry in. Severus and Wenny were looking tired, but grinning from ear to ear. Two gorgeous blond people lay on identical tables in the middle of the room covered in blankets sleeping. Ron took Luna's arm and Bellatrix took Draco's arm. They lead them to the tables. Draco gasped. "Mom! Dad! They're here and they're alive!" He stumbled over a piece of a coffin that was left carelessly on the floor. "They're asleep." Severus informed him. "We wanted you to be here when they open their eyes."

Draco looked at the man and his eyes filled with giant tears of joy. Luna squeezed his hand. They stepped over all the junk and went to Severus. Luna placed a hand on his shoulder and a hand on Wenny's shoulder. Draco fell in his lap hugging him and crying. Ron was having a groovy time playing with all the illicit magickal items in the room. There were tables and tables of bottles and texts and Wenny's necronomicon. Ron started reading it. Relatively simple, he thought. Lots of elementary wizarding stuff in there. Ron figured he could do those spells. Draco got up and stood over his sleeping parents, touching their beautiful faces, and stroking their hair. He wanted to kiss Lucius, but couldn't with people watching. And, he feared that once Lucius was awake, the chance would never come up again. Nobody made a sound. They were all deeply touched as they watched Draco pick up his sleeping father's hand, and gazed into his face. It was Narcissa who woke up first.

She gave a low moan that escalated into a scream as she looked around the room. Draco grabbed his mother around the shoulders to reassure her. "Lucius...you look so young. Where are we?" She asked. "Mom, it's me, Draco. I'm all grown up now." He told her. She looked confused. "Daddy is here too and he'll wake up in a second. Draco told her. She asked, "Did we all die? Did we all go to the good place, or the bad place?" Her eyes darted around the room full of people she had believed to be dead. "Mom, we're in the shrieking shack." Draco told her.

Draco felt a hand clawing at his side. "Daddy! Mum, daddy is awake too!" Draco said like a little boy opening Yuletide presents. Narcissa had just blacked out again. "Draco, I had a dream that you turned into a sod." Lucius said. "It's all true, dad." Draco told his blurry eyed father. Luna stepped up beside Draco and kicked his ankle. Lucius moaned in agony. "Dad, this is my new fiancee, Luna Lovegood," Draco told Lucius to get his mind off of sodomy. "Fiancee!" Luna gasped as if she had just won a game show. Yeah, it must be pretty hard to get someone to marry you when you claim to see nargles and fairies that nobody else can see all the time. While Luna rejoiced and hugged Draco, Lucius sputtered something unintelligable about mudbloods and contracts to Pansy Parkinson's parents. Draco pinned Lucius to the table. "Dad, she's a pureblood." Lucius said, "aaaaah," looked enlightened, and then fell back into slumber. Severus ordered Draco and Luna back to their rooms because he felt Lucius and Narcissa needed more rest before they could survive more excitement. Actually, he had hoped Draco's sex life would be the last thing they asked about.

House elves were summoned and Lucius and Narcissa were levitated to the master bedroom. Severus and Wenny still slept in the bedroom in the shrieking shack at the foot of the doorway toDraco's castle. Wenny and Severus suddenly had new issues to contend with. Up until now, they had not bothered to tie the knot. And, everybody had just entered the house through their bedroom. It had always been all right because everyone either shared their bed or their secrets. But, now, it might become an issue if that was the way Lucius felt about sodomy. Severus grabbed an armload of the potions that were still necessary to help Lucius and Narcissa recover.

Ron and Bellatrix remained in the attic. "Oh Rooooon, You look very fetching in Armani." Bellatrix advanced on Ron with a wicked smile. Ron backed slowly away from her, remembering that this room had torture racks in it and that Draco said Bellatrix was absolutely kinky for torture. "How would you like to be my slave poodle?" Ron gulped. "Ron, Be my special boyfriend and carry some things down stairs for me. And not a word to the house elves." She kissed Ron lightly and then started heaping the necronomicon and scrolls into his arms. "Put these in the room adjoining to my room. You will sleep there from now on." Ron did as he was told.

Luna had gone back to her room. She spent all bloody day in her room. Draco wondered what she could be doing in there. He was on his gorgeous flat stomach, looking things up on the muggle internet. Harry was on his knees begging Draco for attention. "Please, Draco, please look at me. Touch me. I'm going mad with fear," Harry begged. Draco said, "Well then, read a book." He tossed Harry a copy of Beowulf. If Harry had been more studious, he could have avoided being ensnared. If Harry had read more often, Draco often thought he could have been a better student than Hermione. Harry had an excellent mind. He'd defeated Voldemort. That took some thinking.

Instead, the book hit the wall across the room and fell on the floor. Harry sullenly lifted Draco's muscular, lean calf and slowly pulled off his sock. He started giving Draco an excellent foot massage. Draco looked back and saw two smouldering green eyes looking at him with unabashed lust. He ignored Harry and went back to ordering incense and some new clothes for Harry on the electronic Bay. Suddenly, his big toe felt very warm. "Harry, are you sucking my toe?" He asked.

"No." Draco's toe got cold as the word escaped Harry's lips. Then, it got warm again.

"Harry, I'm making some changes to your wardrobe. I think you'll look dashing when I'm finished with you."

"Mmpth."

"Harry, I'm so glad we're friends now." Draco felt a tongue sliding all over the bottom of his handsome foot.

"Mmm, yeah."

"Harry, I'm serious. We need to turn you evil so that I can keep you safe."

"Mmm-hmmmm," Harry said as he sucked Draco's toes all at once.

"Harry, what would you be if you could be anything?"

"A pedicurist, or a shoe salesman." Draco heard a smacking sound like Harry was licking his whiskers.

"Oh, Harry!" Draco shouted, "Do try to concentrate! I was a shoe salesman. Awful business. The owner used to sod me."

"Owner?" Harry asked.

"I was a slave, Harry."

Harry gasped. "Oooooh, details!" Draco told Harry the sad tale of how he was passed from family to family, beaten, raped, underfed, attacked and then forced to prostitute for a job in a shoe shop to stay alive. Harry felt just terrible. He had always assumed that Draco had taken all his galleons out of the bank and had gone into hiding. When Draco had finished his sad tale, Harry said, "Tell me about the wizard's feet again!" Draco flung Harry on his back and climbed on top of him. He started kissing Harry and telling him about the shoes and the feet and the smells between kisses. Harry became aroused. Draco got on all fours. Harry got behind him and started whipping his pants down. At just that moment the door popped open and Severus wheeled Lucius in on a wheelchair. Harry locked eyes with Lucius and promptly fainted dead away.

"Right, my son's a sod and he's engaged to a mudblood." Lucius said out loud as if speaking to the back wall. Then, his eyes fell on Baphomet. He wheeled himself over to the statue. "Severus told me our bank accounts are still intact." Draco nodded. Being of age, Draco had automatically received a massive inheritance. "But this was a stroke of brilliance! You managed to save my Baphomet!" Lucius picked up the statue. He gave Baphomet's left breast a quarter turn, right breast a half turn and then pulled on the statue's phallus. It's mouth came opened and a gob of priceless jewels spilled out of it's mouth. Lucius emptied out the Baphomet and wheeled himself over to Severus. "If Draco can admit to being gay and loving muggles, I just want to say that I have been in love with you since the first time I saw you," Lucius said to Severus. He turned abruptly, and wheeled away while Severus, Draco, and Baphomet watched him go with their mouths hanging wide opened. A house elf wandered in with smelling salts for Harry, Severus closed his mouth and followed Lucius down the hall.


	10. Chapter 10

Snape 10

Severus followed Lucius down the hall. He was surprised at how fast the recently undead man could make it down the cobblestone hall floor in a wheelchair. Lucius went past the room Narcissa was recovering in to another room a few doors down. Severus had never entered that room. He did so right after Lucius whose latest comment still rung in his ears. The room had a big, black bed with a dark silver metal headboard that looked like solid mercury. The room had a few shackles and a modest alchemy kit on a table and some shelves of vials lit by lots of candles on ornate candle holders with griffins and gargoyles on them. The walls were lined with slightly naughty pictures of chubby naked women and cupids. The bedspread was silver satin. Lucius pulled it back to reveal smooth, silver sheets.

He sprung from his wheelchair onto the center of the bed and whipped off the cheap nightshirt Azkaban had buried him in. His chest was tan, gleaming and muscular. His eyes flashed in the candle light. He held out one of his large, manly hands and Snape came to him and placed his black, gloved hand in it. Snape moved as if hypnotized and kissed Lucius on his perfect lips. Then, he felt a tongue slither into his mouth. Blinding extacy. Lucous's hand slid around the small of his back and pulled him closer, effortlessly, Severus's knees gliding across the satin. They both knealt, facing each other on their knees in the middle of the bed. Severus nuzzled Lucius's thick, muscular neck. Lucius peeled off Snape's cloak, his black doublet, his white shirt, and left him kneeling and panting in nothing but his black pants and gloves. They had no need to talk because they automatically realized they could read each other's minds.

Severus was about to be taken in ways he never dreamed he could be taken. Every touch, every kiss, every glance from Lucius brought hot, searing pleasure. Lucius smelt of freshly dug earth and straw and pine. The fresher the corpse was, the faster and easier it was to resurrect. Lucius psychically thanked Severus for saving Draco over and over while he greedily sucked in mouth fulls of pale skin. Severus spelled his own pants and boots off as Lucius grabbed a hand full of gorgeous chocolate brown hair and gave Severus a searing, mind melting hot kiss. Instead of progressing to the most predictable thing, Lucius began pushing Severus to WRESTLE with him. They climbed all over each other like two furious werewolf puppies, pinning each other in all kinds of different holds until they were almost sick with laughter. Then, they stopped laughing and things got intense. Lucius Had Severus pinned face down in a full nelson. Severus arched his back and moved his hips up. Lucius bit his shoulder a little too hard and clawed his black underwear off. Severus just hissed through his teeth and sunk down into the sheets. Lucius spelled most of the candles out, and the black curtains shut. Intense waves of pleasure rolled over him. It was like the world was exploding. It had NEVER been like this before. It was like being in an earthquake in a volcano under the ocean in the full moon in the rain!

Lucius moved like a panther. Their hot skin stung and slid against each other and got all wet. Severus had silent, prolonged, screaming orgasms without even being handled. Every time he thought it was almost over, Lucius found more strength and the feelings started flowing like waves crashing on an ocean. And, when Severus was just about to cry for mercy, Lucius suddenly stopped, grabbed Severus by the shoulders, flung him into the higher position, pulled back his own knees and whispered, "My turn!" Something unearthly possessed Snape and he felt himself demoniacally aroused. He threw back his wet hair and silently vowed to make Lucius claw his back to shreds.

Draco tiptoed into Bellatrix's bedroom. She wasn't there, but Ron was chained to her bedposts with a dog collar. Draco sent one of his house elves to fetch a fake Ron. He replaced the real Ron with a homunculus, and dragged Ron back to his own room. He gave Ron another stern lecture about how playing with Bellatrix was like playing with fire. Then, he stormed out and left Harry and Ron on the bed. Draco was wondering if his dad was banging Snape in the forbidden sex room. He felt horrible. Ron hated him and he was afraid his beautiful teacher was going to love Lucius more. His poor mom was still too weak to survive another Draco visit, and Bellatrix was missing! She was probably out having fun without him. He'd show her! He'd probably go and pick up the Weasley twins some day and do something filthy with them, and come home and gloat about it and not even tell her where they lived!!! The mental images of banging the Weasley twins was enough to scramble his brain. Before he knew it, he was at Luna's door.

He lifted his hand to knock and the door opened right in front of him. Luna stood in front of him in a white dress and a purple hooded velvet cape. He lightly stepped into her room. There was a shocking transformation from a gray medieval cell into a pastel fairyland. Luna's little invisible friends had brought her green plants in black dirt in all kinds of gorgeous pots and dishes, none of them matching, but all of them pastel colors. The smell was intoxicating. The walls were spelled white and covered in rainbows from Draco's prism. Her blanket had been transfigured white and covered in a profusion of yarn strings and stolen festival ribbons in every color imaginable. Harry Potter's round glasses sat on her nightstand. The walls were festooned with beaded necklaces in all colors of glass, and stained glass shards, and broken mirrors that had all been spelled into place or glued up by Luna's invisible fairy friends. Her ceiling lamp had been transformed into a chandelier with about a gazillion clear beads and an odd assortment of hanging silverware and nicknacks. Her headboard was covered in a vine of white flowers. Harp music was playing in the air. A Gryffindor crest with a knife in it sat on her white nightstand. Draco picked her up and began spinning around slowly with her white dress billowing in the air.

Luna could read his thoughts, just like that. They collapsed on the bed, dizzy and thought to each other. Luna wanted to pledge herself to the dark side. She had stabbed the Gryffindor crest to show Draco that she was ready to cross over. She showed him images in her mind, of the muggle tourists and the environmental havoc they were causing, and the impact it was having on her little fairy friends. Then, Draco showed her all the thoughts in his mind about how the muggles breading with wizards would almost entirely ensure that people with magic powers would all but die out. And then there would be nobody to hold the next muggle-born Voldemort. Draco and Luna stayed in her room just telepathically talking for a very long time. It was reassuring to him that Luna could be a sensible girl, since he planned to marry her, even if she was drooling mad! And he was amazed to find that she was such an accomplished botanist. Severus would surely embrace her into the fold when he found that she could make potion ingredients. And Draco had never had a lover who could keep their hands off of his cod piece.

Wenhaver personally attended Narcissa Malfoy. She leaned over the bed, sponging narcissa's forehead with a clean, wet towel. She found he little white hand moving through Narcissa's golden hair, and over her smooth face. Wenny was just thinking that she was very happy to add Bellatrix and Narcissa to her strange household. Why was it that she didn't like Luna? It must have been that Luna was one of the students who had been on that slimy little Harry Potter's side. Wenny wanted her turn torturing Harry too. She was just letting the kids hog him because she couldn't bare to deprive them of their pleasure. He had killed Riddle whom Bellatrix loved as much as she had loved Severus. She could see it in the poor woman's eyes. And she had deprived Draco of his beloved parents. Lucius was easily three times as gaspingly gorgeous ads Draco, and something about the way he worked his wheelchair frightened and excited Wenny. As Wenny thought that, Narcissa came to and swiftly grabbed Wenny by the pencil slim wrist. "You're a comely enough serving wench!" Narcissa said, eyeing the white rag and...other things. Wenhaver found herself being dragged under the blanket and onto a stunning blond. "Quickly, wench! Before my husband returns!" Narcissa was pushing Wenhaver's face into her decoletage! The blanket became witness to some fiendishly delicious acts.

Severus was clamped to the bed in another one of Lucius's unusual wrestling holds, panting and wanting more. The close feelings of Lucius's body against his, and the wrestling and the great feeling of being reunited with an old friend were all too much. All he could do was lay there panting, completely defenseless in Lucius's hands. It felt like they had been intensely groping for hours. Their bodies finally relaxed and they started thinking. Severus thought: I needed you here. I don't know why, but I did. Lucius thought back: I've always always been madly in love with you, Severus. Snape thought back: Why didn't you tell me? I was a virgin for years!!! I was eyeballing sheep in the fields, for Baphomet's sake, Man! Lucius thought back: Oh, Severus! Didn't you know? (He looked horrified.) James Potter was so hot for you, he almost massacred everyone who ever even looked at you! Severus told him about the Masturbis totalis spell James had kept him under. Lucius thought: Oh, baby! I had no idea you were so miserable. I just thought James was coming to your room at night. All the occlumens knew it was all he ever thought about. Snape thought back: I'd have killed him if he tried it! He hung me upside down and tore my pants off in front of the other students! Lucius told him that all kinds of people were wildly attracted to him and James had bested them all. In the end, he had married Lily for spite because Severus never looked at him, and because Severus had loved Lily.

Harry and Ron had been left all alone again. Draco went out to have fun, they got left behind with a cranky house elf and a mood sensitive boom box. Harry pulled Ron close to him. "Ron, I was thinking. We were room mates at Hogwarts, and we were missing out on a lot of fun." Ron asked, "What do you mean, Harry?" Harry got in Ron's lap and started kissing him on the cheek. "For the last time, Harry! I do NOT want a foot massage!" Ron yelled. Harry touched Ron's pale face with his left hand and slid his right hand considerably lower. Ron managed to blurt out, "Oooooh." Then, he was being pushed backwards on the bed. Harry was beginning to be a little expert at this.

Severus was shaking with anger, then he went as white as a ghost and started mumbling in that strange language he had spoken the night Harry had shown up. The sky went dark, and thunder and lightning occurred all over the place, not in a natural way. Lucius carefully petted Severus like a baby animal and whispered in his ear until he stopped chanting. His eyes popped open and he looked scared. "Lucius, what did I just do?" Snape whispered. The storm was still raging outside. Lucius stroked his forehead quietly. The storm quieted down to pouring rain and occasional thunder. "Sometimes we choose the magic, and sometimes it chooses us," Lucius whispered. "I can feel a new kind of magic flowing through me," Lucius added. He leaned over and gave Severus a long, slow kiss on the forehead. The rain stopped. The night sky was blazing in a purple, yellow and green haze. They crept to the window. The green grass lawn at Hogwarts had turned into millions and millions of little plants with tiny purple flowers. The stars looked like they were flashing. Everything was going crazy. Lucius whispered, "I love you, Severus!" And the words appeared in the sky as if written in fireworks. "Ga." Severus replied, and was pushed back down on the bed, roughly, expertly.

It was in the back of the minds of everyone that it felt like they had all been brought together there for a purpose. It was like some kind of magic had lured them there. The sky went dark. Luna showed Draco that it was raining and they went to the window. Ron was panting, face down on the bed while Harry did naughty things to him by hand and sucked his pretty white toes. They went to the window to see the storm outside. Bellatrix stood over a grimy potato sack on a table when she was brought to the window by all the noise. Narcissa and Wenhaver calmly walked over to the window pane and continued what they were doing while watching the storm. Then, it turned to rain, then there were pulsating colored lights in the sky. There were beautiful flowers covering all the grass, just like in the cemetery. And then the words, "I love you, Severus," appeared in the sky in flames.

"Shit," Wenny thought, "There goes our cover!" But, it was all so beautiful. Besides, nobody knew that Severus was alive, or where he was, or that they had resurrected other dead people. And, since Harry and Ron had wandered in, they had charmed the Shrieking Shack so that nobody could get near it unless they were wanted. Lucius placed something cold and heavy on Severus's bare chest, and left the room to call a house elf to attend all the scratches on Severus's back. Severus peeked. It was an emerald the size of a little mouse, Slytherin green.


	11. Chapter 11

Snape 11

Harry, Draco and Ron were sitting on Draco's bed looking up at the sky through the opened leaded glass window. The stars were out. Draco's mood sensitive boom box was playing, "Under The Milky Way Tonight'" by The Church and Draco was pointing out constellations. "See how those two stars form a set of linked letter Cs? That's the Chanel Logo." Harry and Ron shook their heads incredulously. "And that set of stars over there is the great Hermes counter in the sky. It's all true. Mother taught me. Luna was laying across Draco's big bed behind them with her feet up in the air and her chin resting on her fists. She had on a long, blue maxi dress made by Draco and golden goddess sandals that laced up the calves. "You're wrong, you know. Someday I'll teach you proper astrology." She told him. "And that cluster of gases is the Estee Lauder powder puff." Draco continued undaunted. It had been several days since the love letter in the sky incident and nobody had come poking around the whomping willow looking for Snape.

There was a knock at Draco's door. The door swung open. Bellatrix and Lucius were standing in the doorway with big, black dog collars swinging from shiny, silver leashes. "May we borrow Harry and Ron for the evening?" They stood there smirking. Draco was trapped. He had to let them have the real Harry and Ron and not their homunculus clones. Ron grinned and ran to Bellatrix. She sidestepped his embrace and knocked him to the floor, and clapped the dog collar around his neck. Harry jumped up and ran to punch Lucius. Lucius grabbed Harry's fist and wrestled him to the ground and slapped a dog collar around his neck. Harry and Ron were lead away. Draco got very upset and started to tell Luna all about how he was afraid Harry and Ron would be hurt. "Don't worry," Luna said. I know what they have planned, and Harry and Ron will be fine. She smoothed Draco's hair with her right hand, and he suddenly felt much better. Luna looked like a goddess in the moonlight in her ice blue dress. Draco waved his wand at her and she had on golden ancient Greek earrings and exotic ear cuffs. He zapped her wrists and covered them with golden bracelets filled with tiny golden jingly coins.

Luna stood up and announced, "It's time." "Time for what?" Draco asked. Luna simply held out her right hand, covered in luxurious bracelets. Draco stood up in a very smart looking suit and offered her his arm like a gentleman. She took it graciously. There was a pair of shining yellow eyes in the dark hall. It belonged to one of Bellatrix's cats. It said, "Narroooooooooh?" Then they heard it's little feet bound away. Draco thought about little feet, looked at Luna and said, "Goo." He was inagining the way their baby would look. Luna looked at Draco and wistfully said, "Not now. It's almost time for the initiation." She walked Draco into the parlor of the whomping willow. Everybody was there, all sitting around a table talking casually. Harry and Ron were on all fours leashes on the floor. Bellatrix had a Grecian, curly hairdo and a laser-blue dress with an elaborate gold broach at one shoulder. Wenny had on a high-wasted black dress that clung to the bust. The high waist was circled by her snake belt. The one with the emerald eyes. They glittered in the firelight. So did Harry's green eyes near the floor.

"And Draco wants to marry that little mudblood!" Lucius was finishing a sentence, just as they walked in. "Dad! She's a pureblood!" Draco cried in protest. They walked up to the table which was laden with bread, fruit and cheese. Luna conjured her official Gringotts geneaology chart and spread it all over the table. Narcissa entered the room in a green dress, almost identical to Luna's. They eyeballed each other and hissed in mutual disrespect. "Oh, look here, she IS a pureblood!" Lucius called to Narcissa. Draco blushed crimson at his fashion faux-pas. He should have given Luna a different dress that was less fabulous than his mother's dress. Plenty of time to outshine Narcissa when Luna's last name was Malfoy. Lucius put his feet up on Harry's back, using him as a footstool.

"W ell, Severus, your little filly is a damn fashionable dresser and a lovely hostess, and a Slytherin. But, IS she a pureblood?" Lucius would not condescend to treat Wenny as an equal if she was not an equal, or if she could not prove that she was.. She produced her own geneaology chart, understandingly, and handed it to Severus with an aristocratic sneer of her own. It clearly showed that Wenny was not only a pureblood, but was descended from the famous witch, Anne Boelyn, who had enslaved a muggle king and had inadvertently turned him into a craven serial killer.

Lucius nodded approvingly. "I had six toes as did she." Wenny crooned. The people sitting closest to her leaned over and looked at her sandaled feet. It was true. Verily, her extra toes stuck out uselessly on the outer edges of her perfect, slender white feet. "Gasp! Lovely!" Harry's voice came from under the table. "Shut up, dog." Lucius thumped his feet on Harry's back. He was still damn vexed about losing Dobby the house elf to Potter's shenanigans.

"Now, Draco!" Professor Snape said in his sexiest silkiest voice. "I have explained to your father what my motivations were for becoming a turncoat and he has forgiven me." Lucius's gilded hand slid across the table and rested on Severus's white one. "How-ever, it has come to our attention that you have made copies of Harry and Ron to keep us from torturing the real Harry and Ron!" Draco stood back, pale and terrified. It was true and he had no defense prepared for himself. He started to whine and got on his knees in front of Severus, hoping that looking pathetic would lessen his punishment. A big, strong hand pushed his chin until he was looking into two gleaming black eyes. "Young Master Malfoy, It was commendable of you to protect your friends in such a devious and Slytherin manner. If it had not been for you, we may have killed our most useful asset. You see, Harry is the rightful mayor now, and we control him. You have saved our best asset from destruction." Lucius nodded wistfully. "What about Ron?" Draco asked. "Oh, we've decided to let him live too, "Severus said, "just as soon as they formally renounce The house of Gryffindor." Wenny walked across the room holding up her glass of wine in one hand and a plate of melty Brie in the other hand. "I have it all set up. There was a black rubber mat in the middle of the floor with a big Gryffindor crest in the middle of it. Wenny walked across the crest and sat in the big black chair. Narcissa had her hands on Severus's shoulders. She started massaging them. Lucius and Bellatrix walked Harry and Ron to the middle of the room. Bellatrix told Ron to step on the crest. He did. Lucius told Harry to step on the crest. After a brief physical struggle, and a slapping fight, a disheveled looking Harry finally stepped on the Gryffindor crest. "Not enough." Lucius told Harry. "Piss on it!" Harry actually cried, but he slowly whipped out Little Harry and pissed on the Gryffindor crest with tears in his green eyes. Ron pissed on the crest too. Wenny cleaned up the piss with her wand before it rolled onto the green carpet. "Now, shit on it!" the voice came from Luna. "Ew, Baby!" Draco replied. "Drakey we need proof they're bad like us," She said. Then she jumped and squeaked as if a garden gnome had bitten her in the ass. Severus smirked and retracted his hand from behind her. She had obviously found a supporter. Ron enthusiastically shat on the Gryffindor crest. Harry put up a valiant fight. He pulled out a clump of Lucius's beautiful hair, for which he would pay dearly later. In the end, he had to be promised that he would be allowed to give Wenny a foot rub, after which he, too, gleefully shat on the crest.

Luna had wanted to make them do more, but Bellatrix was uncharacteristically enthusiastic about getting them all up into the attic dungeon for the after party. She kept going on and on about her canapes getting cold. They all went up stairs. Harry and Ron were allowed to walk upright with their leashes on. Bellatrix went up first, but kept checking to make sure that everybody was following. She was adamant that everyone be present. The attic torture room had a few additions added to it. There were a few new pieces of torture equipment there as well as a table in the center of the room about the size of a coffin loaded with canapes, two new leash posts on either side, and a ring of mats and exotic pillows. The attic had been scrubbed clean by house elves, and there was dramatic lighting and a huge pentacle painted on the floor. A band of house elves played strange music on bongo drums and flutes and pan pipes, as bellatrix paired up the people and lead them to their mats. Harry and Ron were chained to the leash posts on either side of the coffin.

Wenny and Severus, Lucius and Narcissa, Draco and Luna each took a mat. The mats formed a circle around the room. A house elf carried a pitcher of wine and kept refilling their goblets as if he was afraid that Bellatrix would do something to him if he failed in his task. Bellatrix was really pushing canapes. Everybody ate a few to be polite and the room got blurry and everything got really groovy. The more canapes they ate, the more they seemed to want to eat. A house elf turned on a smoke machine and some spinning rainbow lights. The room was flooded in atmosphere. Bellatrix was drawing blood from the palms of Harry and Ron's hands as everyone else began to participate in an orgy. Then, Bellatrix was pulling the table cloth off of the coffin-shaped table and holding a silver gravy boat with their spilled blood in it. With the flip of a lid, she was pouring the blood inside the box. Harry and Ron had been pulled to the ends of their leashes and drawn into the orgy. A few stray-randy hands grabbed at her, as she worked above the mysterious coffin-sized box. Amidst the drunken quivering mass of flesh that was happening on the perfectly painted pentacle, Bellatrix was adding her own blood to the coffin sized box as lightning crashed in the starry sky above the skylights. A disco ball on the ceiling shot tiny beams of light all over the room that bounded off of the seven mirrors strategically placed all around the room. The panting revelers heard the names of several demons, and Kthulu mentioned. The house elves covered their ears to avoid hearing such utterings.

Then, a figure rose out of the box slowly wearing a bat like cape with a collar that obscured his face. Bellatrix offered her hand for support. The cape opened and a gloved hand took hers. Narcissa screamed, the house elves stopped playing music and a hush fell over the room. The gray bald head, the slit like nose, the dead eyes...a grinning Bellatrix held the hand of Lord Voldemort. Everyone stopped dead – no matter WHAT they were doing to stare. Voldemort smiled, nodded and said, "An orgy? In MY honor? I'm flattered, really. Don't stop on my account." They al gaped at him, open mouthed. He pointed his wand at Harry and wand-zapped The Boy Who Lived.

Harry stood up. Dragged Severus to the middle of the room by the foot and then yelled, "RIGHT! Now, who wants to see me remove Snivvie's trousers?" There was a resounding cry, "Meeeeee!" Harry enthusiastically tore off Snape's pants and began to go down as they all clapped and chanted, "Snivellus Snape-Snape! Snivellus Snape-Snape!" Voldemort watched with gleaming eyes. The house elves started to play music and pour wine again and Bellatrix took Voldemort down the stairs gingerly with his long, gray cape trailing behind as Severus received the most perverse pleasure of his entire life.


	12. Chapter 12

Snape 12

The next day, they all woke up in a haze on the floor, laying around on heaps of pillows. Bellatrix was the only one missing. The house elves brought in eggs and sausages, coffee, toast and orange juice. Snape was one of the last people to wake up. "You know, I fell asleep at the party last night and had the strangest dream." He said. I dreamed that Voldemort was here, and then Harry and I had a sodfest while you all stood around clapping. I need to spend more time in the potions lab and less time drinking Hagrid's moonshine." He looked around and realized that everyone was looking at the floor and avoiding his gaze. Then, he noticed Harry Potter asleep under one of the folds of his voluminous cape. Snape opened his mouth and shut it again. He looked around the devastated attic chamber. Bellatrix had set up the party room. Bellatrix had overseen the food preparation. Bellatrix had once dated Voldemort. Then, it dawned on Severus's pounding head that if the part of the dream where he banged Harry was true, then the part about Voldemort was also true! Harry stood up wincing in pain with his right hand on his forehead. He tried to walk a few steps, and tripped on the coffin shaped table.

Snape was running down the stairs flanked by Lucius, Wenny and Narcissa. Bellatrix's bedroom door was locked. Snape was furiously hollaring and battering the door. Lucius was dancing with glee at the return of his Dark Lord, while Wenny and Narcissa stood behind them all pale and cringy. Draco calmly walked past them all and said "Mellon." Bellatrix's door swung open and her room was empty except for her evil looking Tonkanese cats prowling the perimeter of her big bed. The sheets were rumpled, and the room smelled like fish. They examined her closet, the side room, and under the bed. No Bellatrix, no Voldemort. But, Snape took his wand and levitated all of their resurrection equipment out of Bellatrix's makeshift lab. He figured he'd hide it where she'd never find it again and then sick Harry on Voldemort. Why not? Harry had already killed him twice.

They went up to the attic where Harry and Ron were still chained to the floor. They were eating breakfast and watching a quidditch game out the window. Wenhaver slipped off her little shoe and put her little white foot on Harry's lap. He took some sausages from the breakfast platter, stuck them between Wenny's six delicate toes and started eating them lustily. Snape crept up behind Harry and started massaging his shoulders. Lucius and Narcissa were dancing around cackling on the lower floor. Draco snuggled up to Harry's side.

"Oh, Harry," Draco crooned in Harry's ear, "You like these little parties of ours, and the food, and the sex, and the clothes, and the designer cologne, and the sex, and the parties, and living in a castle full of house elves, and the feet, and the sex, don't you?" Luna sat at Harry's other side. She slipped off her sandals and stretched out her little white feet and toes. The sun glinted off of her ice blue toe nail polish. "Harry, remember that time I went to the Yule Ball with you?" Luna asked in a sticky sweet voice. "We need a favor, Harry. What did you do with the Elder Wand?" Snape chimed in with his musical, seductive voice. Wenny put her foot on Harry's bulge. He whimpered. "Yes, the Elder Wand," she crooned, "where is it, my little footman?"

"It's good and safe. No one will get it where I put it." Harry said, totally misunderstanding the question. "It's in Dumbledore's grave." Harry looked down at Wenny's foot with mashed sausages between her toes swirling all over his package. It stopped. He stuttered, "So nobody can get it and use it against you." They all let go of Harry and shuffled down the hall single file. Wenny grabbed the shovels and the spf 100 sunscreen from the utility cabinet. Snape left the house elves implicit directions to keep Harry chained up in the attic, but happy until they returned. They all took off like bats out of Hell to dig up Dumbledore's grave. In the meantime, Bellatrix slowly returned to the Whomping Willow pushing a wheelchair. It contained a grumpy, wrinkled old man in plaid pants with a waistband up to his nipples, and a sun visor and shades. The tree let her in because Snape had forgotten to do a spell to keep them out. A house elf followed Bellatrix dragging a cart full of boxes and bags. She waved her wand and levitated the whole mess, and the old man up to her bedroom. She went upstairs to unchain Ron and bring him back down on his leash. She fastened the chain to the corner of his bed. The old man bounced up and down in his chair and giggled like a little girl. Ron was pushed backwards onto Bellatrix's bed, stripped magically in a heart beat, and used like a wench. As Bellatrix bobbed up and down on Ron, the old man stood up, grew taller, plumped up, lost his wrinkles and became Lord Voldemort. Bellatrix dismounted Ron like a gymnast. "Thankyou Ron!"

"Thank YOU Bellatrix.!" Ron replied. Then, she flung Voldemort down on the bed. She seductively stripped off his old man clothing, and got on top of him. They grinned at each other. Bellatrix sat on top of him and heard the word, "Mellon!" The door flew opened. Harry leapt in along with Wenny, Snape, and the whole gang. Bellatrix looked mortified and disgusted.

Harry pointed the Elder Wand at Voldy and yelled, "I am the master of the Elder Wand and I'm here to put you DOWN like a bad animal! Step aside Bellatrix!" Harry lifted the wand to deliver Voldemort the death blow and the wand was jerked out of his hand. They all turned around as Lucius held the wand in front of them all tauntingly. Then, with a treacherous grin, he broke it over his knee. They all gasped in horror. "Good Work M'boy!" Voldemort yelled from inside the bed room. He was already turning into an old man again. Snape swore. He had just reburied Voldemort to avoid having a master, and now he was back to being Voldemort's slave. He crumpled up in a ball on the floor and cried like a baby. Lucius and Narcissa charged up and flung themselves on their knees to beg Voldemort to take them back. Bellatrix threw a pillow over his privates, and then grabbed her bathrobe. Voldemort pointed his wrinkly old man finger at Snape. He said, "You should be bowing to him. He's the new Dark Lord!" "What?" Snape's head snapped up. "I'm the new Dark Lord?" Wenny grinned and squealed and clapped. Bellatrix swatted Voldemort's head. "Don't tell them that, Tom! They didn't need to know! We could have ruled!" Bellatrix squealed indignantly.

"My ruling days are over." Voldemort told her. "And the dark magic I discovered is useless, except in Severus's hands." He looked around the room which was a sea of puzzled faces. Harry was licking the halves of the Elder Wand and trying to stick it back together. With that wand whole, he could have escaped. It never crossed Harry's mind that he could be killed for possession of the Elder Wand if the Elder Wand was whole. And these were the exact people to do it too.

So, Voldemort explained that he made one last horcrux before he was killed by the merciless Potter boy, and implanted said horcrux in the fangs of his giant snake Nagini. She planted the horcrux in Severus and he died temporarily. Snape's death delivered him from the curse James Potter had placed upon him, rendering him useless for sex. Then, Voldemort chose a very worthy pureblood girl to resurrect Snape and give him the happy life he deserved. In return, Voldemort only asked to be resurrected to live out the rest of his pathetic days out of the public eye with Bellatrix at his side.

Snape looked thoughtful and nodded. He whispered to harry, "How's that wand coming along, Potter?"

Harry whispered back, "Hopelessly broken, sir."

"Oi! How come we're all such horn dogs, all of a sudden," Draco asked. "Yeah!" Harry said. "How come? This definitely isn't normal!" Voldemort said, "Show them, Bellatrix." She gave Ron's naughty bits a rub. Voldemort's face un-wrinkled. She gave another rub. Voldemort got a bit taller. He said, "It's the sexual magick. It keeps me alive." Severus shook his head and rubbed his temples. "You mean, I went from being the world's biggest virgin to being the Emperor Caligula here so that you could get the energy to come back alive?" Bellatrix and Voldy nodded enthusiastically. "I can live with that." Snape said. Lucius gave a wimper because he realized all his dreams of ruling the world were up in smoke, once again. He also knew there would be no taking Snape down.

"Now, give us some privacy!" Bellatrix ordered. Everybody shuffled out the door. "By the way," Voldemort shouted at Lucius, "I Love You Severus!?!" That was supposed to be a giant SKULL, you nincompoop." Lucuis lowered his head and left blushing. He thought to himself that this was not so bad after all. Snape was his best friend. He really loved that shag the other night. They were out of Azkaban. Draco was alive, well and engaged to a pureblood. Somehow, they'd managed to keep the money intact, and the jewels, and they were living in a magickal replica of their castle, and Harry Potter was their willing slave. Lucius grabbed his wand and ran to the window. He pointed his wand at the sky, filled the sky with gray fuzzy skulls, and shouted "Woo-hoooooooooo!"


End file.
